36 and unsure whats wrong.

Hi I am about to be 36. This past year my wife gave birth to our only child so far. Shortly after, I was in the hospital for MRSA.


In the past few months I have had fluctuations of emotions and just feel like I need to get away. I am caring less about my job each day but I keep telling myself I have to provide or my son.

I noticed I have been getting bolder with women I meet and seem to be uncensored of what I say at times and uncaring of what the consequences for that may be. I have started drinking more and then there is the worst part.

In the last week a girl from my past started chatting with me on facebook. things got out of hand quickly and she started texting my phone wanting to meet for sex. I didn't even try to say no. That scares me. I am not like that. thankfully she was just as confused as me and came up with reasons not to meet. We never had sex and never met up anywhere. just a lot of suggestive talking and planning. We are not talking now and not even friends. I think she thinks I am crazy but hey at least now I don't have to worry about screwing up with her.

I feel like I am losing control. I love my wife and kid but I can't seem to fight what is going on. I am confused and don't know what I might do next. I feel like I can't talk to my wife about this especially the other girl. The only two suggestions I have gotten from various friends is screw them all and go to church.

What in the hell is wrong with me??

Noel's response

Your symptoms suggest you are in a midlife transition, which is starting to feel like a crisis. I recommend you read Daniel Levinson's book .

Levinson says we go through a transition about every ten years, and some are harder than others.

You may also find my book "A Harley Or My Wife" useful.

You might also do the 'lifetime goal setting exercise' found on the 'your life mission' link on this website.

Now that you have had the scare of almost having and affair with the ex girlfriend, pay attention to what you are doing, and remember that you don't have to act on every impulse. Consider the damage you could do before taking any negative action.

And rest assured that this too shall pass.



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