40 YEARS TOGETHER AND HE HAS HAD A MIDLIFE CRISIS
My husband and I have been together since we were 16 and 17 for 40 years. We have two beautiful adult children, they have good jobs and never given us any trouble. We also have a beautiful grandchild 2 years old. Last June my husband informed me that he had contacted a lady that he knew when he was 14 whose husband had recently passed away. At this stage he had visited her twice behind my back when I found out. When I confronted him his immediate reaction was to say her embrace was fresh and that he had strong feelings for her. He had seen her for 1 hr on the two occasions! He left the home and went to live with his sister and conducted an affair in front of me and our children. I asked if he would give our marriage a chance and we would go to counseling. He constantly blames me saying I didn't show him love like she is doing. He also said the sex with her was Amazing, spontaneous, warm, lengthy and like nothing he ever had with me. He never indicated to me that he was unhappy until he met this women. Several times he said we could try but each time this women was still texting him and him her. I gave him 4 chances and now I think my only option is a divorce. I firmly believe this women is vulnerable and he has enjoyed feeling needed by her. I have decided to divorce and he keeps crying saying I haven't given him enough time to make his mind up. It has been 8 months now and my life and our children's life have been in turmoil because we all thought we had the perfect marriage. We did everything together, we were never apart. Confused and heartbroken.
I suspect he finds this woman so attractive because she makes few, if any, demands on him. Sex is almost always 'wonderful' with a new partner, simply because of its newness. It is the same for women and men.
Your decision to file for divorce may precipitate him thinking seriously about whether he really does want to be with her. If he decides he does, and then his relationship with her ends and he wants to come back to you, you can decide at that time whether you are willing to take him back. if you are divorced by then, you can always get remarried.