41 year old man broke up with me because I can't have a baby

by Melanie
(Greenwood, IN)

I met a man who is 41 years old and has never been married and has no children. I am 44 and I have two children, ages 10 and 11. I don't want anymore children and think it would be too risky to try. This man said he loves me, but he has to let me go to find a woman who will have a baby for him. He doesn't want to adopt or do IVF. He wants a biological child, period. He is having a lot of problems in his career as well. He tells me he is miserable without me. It just doesn't make sense to me why he would give up a woman who loves him for a baby that doesn't and may never exist. Is this a mid-life crisis and is this something a man can get over wanting?



Noel's response

The drive to have children can be very strong in both men and women. You already have children, so may not recall the strong desire you may have had before they were born.

Just as a woman is very aware of her biological clock ticking as she gets older, a man can be just as aware. His age (midlife) may have be coming into play here, as he may be aware that the time will come when he really is to old to parent a child. The fact that he is having a lot of problems in his career also suggests he may be in a midlife transition.

I don't know whether he will ever get over wanting a baby if he does not have one, but in time the desire may subside. In the meantime, if you do carry on with him, and he does not get to become a biological father, he may resent you so much it will ruin your relationship anyway.

Comments for 41 year old man broke up with me because I can't have a baby

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Mar 04, 2012
Help
by: Melanie

So, do I just give up on him even though I know we have strong feelings for each other. At what point can he accept that he may never have children?

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