44 yr.old husband turns gay?

by Leesa Ellerman-Bolinger
(PHX AZ USA)

The Question


My husband/best friend of 22 years and I were living apart and to my knowledge were working on our problems. I moved out of our home due to control/verbal abuse issues 1 year and 3 months ago. we were still seeing each other going to marriage counseling and still having sex. He says he really wants this marriage to work.

I found a stack of gay porn magazines in his truck 14 yrs ago and he said he got them for his dad who has now passed and was gay. When I first met my husband he had nothing to do with his father because he was gay and walked in on his dad and lover when he was 15.

Then last march I picked up a newspaper on the coffee table and it was the personals section and three gay/bi-sexual ads were circled. We got into a huge fight over that. He said he didn't know how they got circled. The day after, after work he said a couple of the guys did it at work messing with him!

Then just recently at his apartment I was spending the night and reached under my pillow and pulled out a gay porn magazine. He pretends he's clue less to how it got there! The best one is the condoms in his lunch box!! Yep found several condoms didn't say anything about them. Until they started disappearing and he told me he uses them when he ejaculates so it doesn't make a mess!

I discovered he's been advertising himself on a GROSS, and I mean GROSS gay on-line dating site FULL of married men. I am sick over it...literally devastated.

Help!!!

Noel's response

I am afraid I can't be of much help here. I know a few married men (and women) who at midlife either realize they are gay, or have known it all along and have tried to live straight lives, but at midlife can't 'live the lie' any longer.

I recommend you keep going to marriage counselling, and/or agree to separate, as chance are he really is gay, and your marriage will never be the same again. Perhaps you would benefit from seeing a counsellor on your own as well.

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