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Midlife Wisdom for Men Newsletter Issue #017, August 31, 2004
August 31, 2004
Midlife Wisdom for Men - Helping Men Navigate Midlife Transitions.

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Written by Noel McNaughton
Midlife-Men.com
(c) copyright 2004 midlife-men.com

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If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favour and forward it him. If a friend DID forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting Midlife Wisdom for Men. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

August 31, 2004 Issue #017

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If You Split With Your Wife, Be Careful About Rushing Into Another Relationship

Coffee and Beer May Be Good For You

The Power of Suggestion

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Welcome to this issue of Midlife Wisdom for Men.

I am trying to make the newsletters a little shorter, so the articles in this one are 1086 words all told, which should take about 6 minutes to read. Hope you enjoy it.

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If You Split With Your Wife, Be Careful About Rushing Into Another Relationship

When my first wife died in 1973, I got married again a year later. This was a big mistake. When my second wife and I separated in 1987, I had a few sessions with a psychologist to try to ensure I wouldn't screw up again. He suggested when a person gets separated, the next relationship he gets into might be best considered a throw away. In retrospect, I had to concur, as I don't think I would have married my second wife if I had waited a bit longer. A couple of years longer in fact! (I have discovered it takes about three years to get over a major trauma such as being widowed or divorced.)

Midlife seems to be a particularly dangerous time. Thomas Exter, writing in American Demographics, predicts that "The most dramatic growth in single-person households should occur among those aged 45 to 64, as baby boomers become middle-aged." These households are expected to increase by 42 percent, and it appears the number of men living alone is growing faster than the number of women. Many of these men will be lonely, and prone to rushing into another relationship.

Barring loneliness, another reason not to make any big commitments during the chaos of andropause is that when it is over and your life settles down again, you and your ex just might want to get back together.

I vividly recall my friend Keith, who at age 55 fell madly in love with a good-looking woman in her thirties. He was obsessed with her, and wracked by guilt at having left his wife. My friend Colin went through almost exactly the same thing at the same age. Ted and his wife separated when Ted was in his mid-fifties. All three men are back with their wives, and happily so.

On the other hand, I know a number of men (myself included) who got divorced, and it was the right thing to do.

The great risk seems to be in rushing into another permanent relationship, which men are at risk of doing. Perhaps that is why, according to the 1997 US Divorce Statistics, 50% of first marriages end in divorce, but 60% of remarriages end in divorce!

So... my unasked-for advice: if you find yourself single, play the field for a while before committing to another permanent partnership.

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A farmer's wife, who was rather stingy with her whisky, was giving her shepherd a drink. As she handed him his glass, she said it was extra good whisky, being fourteen years old. "Weel, mistress," said the shepherd regarding his glass sorrowfully, "It's very small for its age."

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Coffee and Beer May Be Good For You

Here are a couple of tidbits from the BottomLine Health newsletter (www.BottomLineIntl.com) that might warm the cockles of your heart...

Beer Builds Better Bones. Dietary silicon, found in whole grains and their products (such as beer), reduces bone loss and promotes bone formation. Beer is an especially good source because it is readily absorbed. Other sources of silicon include oat bran, barley and rice. Warning: More than two drinks per day for men, or one for women, is considered harmful.

Enjoy Coffee. Scientists once believed that coffee had no effect on aging. More recently, they have reversed that position.

For reasons that are not completely understood, drinking 24 or more ounces (three eight-ounce cups) of coffee daily decreases the risk for Parkinson's disease by about 40% and the risk for Alzheimer's disease by about 20%.

If coffee does not cause negative effects for you (caffeine can lead to gastrointestinal upset, abnormal heartbeat, and be hard on your brain, for example), enjoy up to 24 ounces daily.

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Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the ice cream van when it comes round.

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The Power of Suggestion

Midlife is a trying time for many men, and when we are stressed, distress and depressed, our minds can make things worse. I have heard and read many times that our minds bring about the conditions we imagine, whether good or bad. I have read accounts of people's beliefs making them sick, or well, and the following is an example.

This excerpt was originally published in 1911 by O.S. Marden.

"We little realize how much suggestion has to do with health. In innumerable instances people have been made seriously ill, sometimes fatally so, by others telling them how badly they looked, or suggesting that they exhibit symptoms associated with a dreaded disease.

"A prominent New York business man recently told me of an experiment which the friends of a robust young man made upon him.

"It was arranged that beginning in the morning, each one should tell him when he came to work, that he was not looking well. They did this subtly, in a way that would not make the man suspicious.

"At one o'clock this vigorous young man had been so influenced by the suggestion, he quit work and went home ill - thoroughly convinced he must be sick.

"To be sure, we are under the influence of suggestion every moment of our waking lives. Everything we see, hear, feel, is a suggestion which produces a result corresponding to its own nature. Its subtle power seems to reach and affect the very springs of life.

"What people need is encouragement, uplift and hope! Instead of telling a friend in trouble that you feel sorry for him, try to pull him and help to restore his energy and reserves.

"Many a life has been stirred and inspired by only a few moments of positive conversation."

As I mentioned, midlife can be a trying time, and an encouraging word to a friend feeling down can be a real help.

There's another area where our words can be very powerful as well: our children and grandchildren look up to us, and using praise and encouragement can lift them up.

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Just For You: A Free Do-It-Yourself Retirement Planning Report

If you are a new subscriber to this newsletter, you will recall I promised you a link to a secret page on the Midlife Men's site where you can download a free 27-page report on 'DIY Retirement planning' by George Slater.

Welcome to the newsletter, and for your free report, go to: DIY Retirement E-Report , click on the link, and follow the instructions.

Enjoy!

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Learn to be a Teleclass Facilitator

If you are a facilitator/speaker/professional who gives lectures or workshops, you can do it from home and make money. Teleclasses (also known as teleseminars) using telephone bridge lines, are becoming increasingly popular, and and a very inexpensive way to deliver high-quality training. I took training in teleclass leadership from Teleclass International which I highly recommend.

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Classifieds

If you have something you want to advertise, just send me a note at noel@midlife-men.com.

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PROMOTION:

This is a handy program that I use every day to clean my computer and keep it ticking along at top speed.

Is Your Computer Slower Than When You Got It? And Are You Protected From Hackers? Performance Pro is a POWERFUL little program that gives you:

  • Personal Firewall - Protect your privacy against online snoopers and hackers
  • System Cleaner - Delete old, unnecessary files that waste valuable disk space
  • File Shredder - Securely shred files and folders with military precision, so they cannot ever be recovered
  • Speed up general system performance and hard drive searching performance
  • Block annoying pop-ups and banner ads - this alone speeds up your Internet browsing experience!
  • Delete all traces of your Internet usage, so nobody will ever know where you have been online

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I Need Your Questions and Feedback!

Got comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

Just email your suggestions and/or questions to noel@midlife-men.com . I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks.

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Well friend, that's it for now. Again, if you enjoyed this and/or found it useful, and know of anyone else who might like it, please pass it forward. And if you have questions or recommendations, I would love to hear from you.

All the best, Noel

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