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Midlife Wisdom for Men Newsletter Issue #030, March 16, 2005
March 16, 2005

Helping Men Navigate Midlife Transitions.

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Written by Noel McNaughton
Midlife-Men.com
(c) copyright 2005 midlife-men.com

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If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favour and forward it him. If a friend DID forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting Midlife Wisdom for Men.

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Issue #030, March 16, 2005

=========== TABLE OF CONTENTS ==========

"Let The Thoughts Go, Let The Feelings Be"

Three Magic Words For Conversations With Your Wife

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Welcome to this issue of Midlife Wisdom for Men. And a special welcome to the new subscribers this week. Hope you find this newsletter interesting and useful.

There are many ways to meditate, and every one I have done has been worthwhile. The one I describe in this issue is particularly effective when you are worried about something.

Ever had one of those conversations with your wife where you offer some 'helpful advice' and it is NOT appreciated. Find out why, and what you can do about it, below.

There are about 660 words in the articles in this newsletter, which may take about two minutes to read.

Noel

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A wife was overheard talking to her husband as they came back home from a weekend trip. "When are you thinking about mowing the lawn?" asked the wife. "As soon as I'm done thinking about fixing the fence," replied the husband.

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"Let The Thoughts Go, Let The Feelings Be"

I learned an interesting meditation in the book The Seven Stages of Money Maturity by George Kinder. The idea is to "let the thoughts go, let the feelings be".

When we are feeling worried, or fearful or any other strong emotion, especially a negative one, we usually attach a thought to it. If we are not sure where our next money will come from, we might be worried.

In the meditation, we simply let any thoughts go about why we are worried (I am short of money), and put our attention on the feeling. We just be with the feeling, wherever it is in our body, and just notice the feeling. We don't try to do anything with the feeling. Just put our consciousness on it and experience it fully.

As we do this, we 'make friends' with the feeling, and realize it comes from somewhere deep and long ago, and when certain situations (fear of not having enough money) call It forth, we think that is the cause of the feeling.

I did this mediation a while back for about 15 minutes. I was feeling a little anxious about money, and had a 'heightened' feeling in my chest, which I was not sure was anxiety or some form of subtle excitement.

As I meditated and went into the feeling, there was a kind of 'darkness' in it that eventually began to lift. It was as though a dark blanket rose up out of my heart, up through my throat, and on up and out the top of my head.

I still had the feeling of anxiety/excitement in my chest, but it felt ok to have it there.

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Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

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Three Magic Words For Conversations With Your Wife

When we men talk to each other, usually it's an exchange of information. It could be sports, business strategies, the best brand names for tools, or whatever. In fact often there is a subtle competition going on, where the man with the most data 'wins' the conversation.

And if a man has a problem, other men will offer a solution. There is nothing wrong with this, because normally we have mulled the situation over in our minds, and by the time we mention it to another man, we have either come up with a solution and want to see what others think, or we haven't come up with a solution, and we want some help.

Ahhh, but if we are in a conversation with a woman, it's a different story.

Women use conversation in a whole different way. Mainly they converse as a form of relating - buiding bonds and increasing a feeling of community with each other.

If a woman has a problem though, she often mulls it over out loud. In that case she just wants someone to listen while she tries to figure something out. She does NOT want a solution to be offered, unless she specifically asks for it.

It took me quite a while to figure this out. When I did, conversations between Elizabeth and me, when she was processing some kind of problem, went better.

So here are the three magic words you can use when your wife is troubled about something and wants to talk to you about it: "Tell me more".

That's it.

Maybe she comes home from work and says "I don't know what I am going to do about Tom. He just isn't carrying his weight on this project." You say "Tell me more", and then of course actually LISTEN to what she says.

As the conversation carries on, you can add questions that will help her process the problem, such as "how did that work?", or "where will you go from here?", or "what would you LIKE to have happen?". You get the idea.

Try it next time your wife is struggling with something, and see whether she doesn't appreciate you for it.

Remember... 'tell me more'.

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How to Satisfy A Woman Every Time:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, fix things, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, soothe, tantalize, humour, placate, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, ignore fat bits, cuddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, anticipate, smooch, nuzzle, forgive, accessorize, entertain, charm, carry for, oblige, fascinate, attend to, trust, defend, clothe, brag about, sanctify, acknowledge, spoil, embrace, die for, dream of tease, gratify, squeeze, indulge, idolize, worship.

How To Satisfy A Man Every time:
Arrive naked.

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Just For You: A Free Do-It-Yourself Retirement Planning Report

If you are a new subscriber to this newsletter, you will recall I promised you a link to a secret page on the Midlife Men's site where you can download a free 27-page report on 'DIY Retirement planning' by George Slater.

Welcome to the newsletter, and for your free report, go to: DIY Retirement E-Report , click on the link, and follow the instructions.

Enjoy!

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Learn to be a Teleclass Facilitator

If you are a facilitator/speaker/professional who gives lectures or workshops, you can do it from home and make money. Teleclasses (also known as teleseminars) using telephone bridge lines, are becoming increasingly popular, and and a very inexpensive way to deliver high-quality training. I took training in teleclass leadership from Teleclass International which I highly recommend.

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Classifieds


A Destroyer of Compasses by Wade Bell, published by Guernica Editions, (Toronto, Buffalo and Lancaster UK) $15.00 Cdn

One Man's Mid-Life Crisis Led to Spain. Planning to spend six weeks, he stayed five years.

A book of stories the Toronto Globe & Mail called "an assured and sensual portrait of a culture" with "precise and ironic examples of human idiosyncracy." The review went on to call stories "gems."

Available from Amazon, E-Bay and local bookstores.


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I Need Your Questions and Feedback!

Got comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

Just email your suggestions and/or questions to noel@midlife-men.com . I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks.

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Well friend, that's it for now. Again, if you enjoyed this and/or found it useful, and know of anyone else who might like it, please pass it forward. And if you have questions or recommendations, I would love to hear from you.

All the best, Noel

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