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BELIEF, EMOTION AND BEHAVIOUR
July 15, 2005
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Midlife Wisdom For Men Issue #038, July 15, 2005

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BELIEF, EMOTION AND BEHAVIOUR

Picking Up The Burning Feather A Hit

Book Review: The Third Age: 6 Principles for Growth and Renewal After Forty

A Really Neat Website

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Written by Noel McNaughton Midlife-Men.com (c) copyright 2005 midlife-men.com

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If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favour and forward it to him. If a friend DID forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting Midlife Wisdom for Men.

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Welcome to this issue of Midlife Wisdom for Men. Hope your summer (or winter for my friends down under) is going well, and you are taking a bit of a break.

Hope you find this newsletter interesting and useful.

There are about 1100 words in the articles in this newsletter, which may take about four minutes to read.

Noel

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BELIEF, EMOTION AND BEHAVIOUR

After the last newsletter, I got this letter:

Noel,

Thanks for the recent edition of Midlife Wisdom For Men. I enjoy them! You might in a later edition explain more about BELIEF, EMOTION AND BEHAVIOUR.......I also learned about this but in a triangular relationship, from an expert therapist. They are all related, and it helped me to see where 'thought mistakes' (i.e. mistaken beliefs), directly affected my emotions, which affected my behaviours. Interesting stuff.

Brian Bishop

Thanks for the note, Brian. Here is a little more detail on how you can use this process:

Let's say you think your family takes you for granted. All you are is 'the old guy who brings home the money' (I have had a number of emails from men saying that is exactly how they feel.) And let's also say you don't think your boss appreciates your contribution to the company (that is a fairly common feeling at midlife too).

You take a sheet of paper, and write the three column headings, and then write the appropriate information under each heading. It might looks something like this:

BELIEF EMOTION BEHAVIOUR
My family takes me for granted anger, resentment angry outbursts, hurtful remarks, acting withdrawn and sullen

My boss doesn't appreciate my contribution to the company resentment, anger, fear (of being down sized) work is less creative and thorough than it could be



Now, look at what you wrote, and see whether:

  • You need to rethink or adjust your beliefs (Is it really true your family takes you for granted? One way to find out would be to talk to them about it. They might be surprised.)
  • You would benefit from getting a different perspective on the belief, so you could have a more positive, less stressful emotional reaction.
  • You need to change a behaviour, even if it is based on a correct belief, and see whether that might create more fulfilling relationships.

Simply doing the exercise can give you valuable insights into what you believe and how you react to people. The first time I did an exercise like this, I was amazed at the amount of resentment, fear and anger I felt toward people close to me. Much of it was based on false assumptions (beliefs), and even the ones I was correct about were helped by talking to the person involved and/or telling a trusted friend how I was feeling. It gave me a great sense of freedom.

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In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs

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Picking Up The Burning Feather A Hit

My new ebook Picking Up The Burning Feather: A Spiritual Guide For Midlife Men is selling steadily, and by all accounts is valuable to the men who read it.

Here is a note from Stanley New of Lufkin, Texas:

Dear Noel,
Last week, I purchased and read "Picking Up the Burning Feather." Today, I reviewed my notes and summarized what I need to do to move on this spiritual journey.

I am 52 years old and in that "quiet desperation" you described, even though I have long been a Christian and am well read.

Your small book has given me a sense of motivation to start this journey in earnest. The call has been there, but I guess I have just been waiting for "it" to happen. I am now willing, intent, and taking action.
Stanley New

If you haven't got your copy yet, it's not too late! just go to Picking Up The Burning Feather: A Spiritual Guide For Midlife Men.

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Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac

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Book review: The Third Age: 6 Principles for Growth and Renewal After Forty by William Sadler

Here is a description from Publisher's Weekly that says it better than I can:

Unlike scholars who view human development in terms of stages or life cycles, sociology professor Sadler prefers the current European view of life past 50 as the third age (the fourth is old age), and offers encouraging evidence of the potential for continued growth and lifelong learning.

From his 12-year study of several dozen men and women aged 45 to 80, he draws unconventional principles for creating midlife renewal, which he supplements with suggestions on how readers can develop and nurture them in their own lives.

Among the apparently paradoxical strategies that consistently emerge from his inspiring and honest portraits of his vibrant subjects are balancing mindful reflection with risk taking; balancing personal freedom with deeper relationships; creating a positive identity and maintaining optimistic realism; creating meaningful work and play; caring for the self and for others.

Sadler's theoretical framework makes his advice more thought provoking than prescriptive, so this gracefully written volume is more challenging than many self-help guides. Still, contemplative readers will find it accessible and absorbing.

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Women's cholesterol rises more or less linearly through their adult life. There's no change in the increase during menopause. Cholesterol in men, on the other hand, plateaus and actually starts to decline after midlife. No one knows why.

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A Really Neat Website

Google came up with another neat free feature the other day. It's called Google Earth and it gives you satellite pictures of pretty well anywhere on earth.

I have used Google Maps for a while now, and have used the satellite feature of it to look at all kinds of places, including an aerial view of my farm. But Google Earth is funky on a whole new dimension.

You can type in your address, and it will zoom to your neighborhood. But let's say you want to figure out the route from your house to your farm (which is what I did). You put in the coordinates, and it shows you the route, just as Mapquest or Google Maps would do. But then click on the 'play tour' button, and it shows you a 'video' of the trip.

It has a bunch of other funky features too. Give it a try. You have to download a little program, but it is worth it.

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Just For You: A Free Do-It-Yourself Retirement Planning Report

If you are a new subscriber to this newsletter, you will recall I promised you a link to a secret page on the Midlife Men's site where you can download a free 27-page report on 'DIY Retirement planning' by George Slater.

Welcome to the newsletter, and for your free report, go to: DIY Retirement E-Report , and follow the instructions.

Enjoy!

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Learn to be a Teleclass Facilitator

If you are a facilitator/speaker/professional who gives lectures or workshops, you can do it from home and make money. Teleclasses (also known as teleseminars) using telephone bridge lines, are becoming increasingly popular, and and a very inexpensive way to deliver high-quality training. I took training in teleclass leadership from Teleclass International which I highly recommend.

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Classifieds


A Destroyer of Compasses by Wade Bell, published by Guernica Editions, (Toronto, Buffalo and Lancaster UK) $15.00 Cdn

One Man's Mid-Life Crisis Led to Spain. Planning to spend six weeks, he stayed five years.

A book of stories the Toronto Globe & Mail called "an assured and sensual portrait of a culture" with "precise and ironic examples of human idiosyncracy." The review went on to call stories "gems."

Available from Amazon, E-Bay and local bookstores.


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I Need Your Questions and Feedback!

Got comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

Just email your suggestions and/or questions to noel@midlife-men.com . I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks.

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Well friend, that's it for now. Again, if you enjoyed this and/or found it useful, and know of anyone else who might like it, please pass it forward. And if you have questions or recommendations, I would love to hear from you.

All the best, Noel

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