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Talk Side-By-Side
October 15, 2008

Midlife Wisdom For Men Issue #114, October 15, 2008

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· Eat Oily Fish And/Or Take Omega 3 Capsules To Reduce The Risk Of Macular Degeneration

My mother had age-related macular degeneration (AMD) before she died. Elizabeth's mother has it too. A number of our older friends have it, and Elizabeth and I are not interested in getting it! Recent research shows that Omega 3 oil can help, so we take it.

· Talk Side-By-Side

When a man and woman have an emotionally intense discussion, the man is likely to suffer the most stress. To reduce the stress, it is best for the man if they are not looking each other in the eye. I explain why below.

There are about 1000 words in the articles in this issue, which should take you about 3 1/2 minutes to read.

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Written by Noel McNaughton
Midlife-Men.com
(c) copyright 2008 midlife-men.com

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If you like this e-zine, please do a friend and me a big favour and forward it to him. If a friend DID forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting Midlife Wisdom for Men.

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CORRECTION

In the last issue, I gave ManWoman's (Manny's) web address as manwoman.com. This is wrong! His correct web address is www.manwoman.net.

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns

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Eat Oily Fish And/Or Take Omega 3 Capsules To Reduce The Risk Of Macular Degeneration

Researchers from the University of Melbourne, Australia have established a link to Omega-3 fatty acids and the prevention of age-related macular degeneration. In a study published in the June 2008 Archives of Ophthalmology, data on 89,000 participants from 9 different studies were analyzed. 3,203 participants had been diagnosed with age-related macular degeneration (AMD). The researchers found that patients with a high dietary intake of Omega-3 fatty acids had a 38% lower risk of more advanced AMD.

In a recent study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition (Vol. 88, No. 2, 398-406, August 2008), researchers recruited 105 people (age 65 and over) with wet AMD (the kind that makes you lose your sight) and 2170 healthy people, to act as controls.

Compared to people who ate less than one serving of fish per week, participants who ate at least one serving of oily fish per week had a 50 percent reduction in risk of developing wet AMD. On top of that, people who got at least 300 mg per day of DHA and EPA (the useful chemicals in Omega 3 capsules) were 68 and 71 percent less likely to have wet AMD than those who got less.

Elizabeth and I eat some kind of oily fish (she likes salmon and I like sardines) about once a week, but we also take Omega 3 fish oil capsules every day. We take Usana capsules, because our research shows Usana has very high quality control. This is especially important for fish oil, because salmon, being near the top of the food chain, concentrate impurities such as PCBs in their fat. High quality fish oil capsules are 'pharmaceutical grade', meaning they have been filtered to remove these toxins. You can get more information here: (BioMega Usana fish oil.

If you want to buy some, contact me and I will help you, as Elizabeth and I use a number of their products, and I am a distributor for Usana products.

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If I were younger, I'd know more. - - - - James Barrie

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If Your Wife Wants To Have A Heart-To-Heart, Walk Side-By-Side

A while back a got an email from a woman (I'll call her Shirley) wondering why her husband wouldn't share his feelings about their situation with her. They could have normal conversations about the kids, or things at work, she said, but when it came to talking about their future, or how they were going to have enough money to retire on, she couldn't get him to talk.

"He won't even look me in the eye" she said, "he just clams up. I know it's a tough subject, but we simply HAVE to talk about it."

Shirley, like most women, feels nurtured and supported when she and her husband (let's call him Ken) talk face to face, and he looks her in the eye when they are talking. But Ken finds it uncomfortable doing this, especially when they are having a 'heart to heart' about an emotional subject such as how they will get through a crisis, or sometimes, whether he even wants to stay in the career he's had for the past twenty years.

The situation is complicated by the fact that Ken is 55 and Shirley is 52. Both are in midlife transitions, and both often feel emotionally raw, and easily upset.

I suggested Shirley might ask Ken to go for a walk with her, or even a drive, and talk then.

Here's why. When we men have a conversation, we are often 'competing' with each other. We look each other in the eye, but we are trying to 'win' the conversation by exchanging facts. This is not a blatant thing, but in most conversations between men, the guy with the most data 'wins'. How we are feeling about things is not discussed, unless it is how we feel about the government, the weather, and so forth.

But here is a little secret: we often find it easier to talk when we are doing something (walking, driving, or fixing something) and when we are specifically NOT looking into our wife's eyes. According to Jed Diamond in his book The Irritable Male Syndrome, having to look into our loved one's eyes during intense discussions makes us feel put on the spot, and it's hard for us not to become defensive.

Ken's withdrawal is a version of what Dr John Gottman, a Professor of Psychology and a marriage counsellor at the University of Washington in Seattle (The Gottman Institute), calls 'stonewalling', meaning disengaging from a conversation and in short refusing to talk. It looks as though he isn't interested in what his wife wants to talk about, but, in fact, he cares so deeply about it that he feels too overwhelmed to handle a conversation with her.

In Dr. Gottman's research, he has discovered a difference in how men and women react during an intense discussion or heated argument. Men in general become more upset physiologically during an intense discussion than women, and we continue to be distressed long after a woman has calmed down. We become "flooded" which means we feel so emotionally and physically overwhelmed we can't think clearly. We will likely have sweaty hands, a pounding heart, shallow breathing and a feeling we can't take this, and have to get away.

With Shirley and Ken, he clams up to cope with the stress he is feeling and Shirley becomes more upset by that than if he had shouted at her.

So if you and your partner have a problem to discuss, especially when it is a hot one, it might be better discussed when going for a walk, taking a drive, or doing some mild kind of work around the house. Under these more low key circumstances, you and she might be able to talk about the things that need to be talked about. Of course you should use "I statements" too, which I discussed in an earlier issue.

I haven't heard back from Shirley, so maybe it worked…

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"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." --- Emily Kimbrough

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High gasoline prices can chew a big hole in your wallet. I have been using MPG caps in both my vehicles for about a year, and am getting 10% better mileage in my half ton, and 15% better in my car. Get details of my six-month trial here: Gas Caps. You could save some money too.

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I Need Your Questions and Feedback!

Got comments? Questions? I'd love to hear from you.

Just email your suggestions and/or questions to noel@midlife-men.com . I look forward to hearing from you. And thanks.

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Well friend, that's it for now. Again, if you enjoyed this and/or found it useful, and know of anyone else who might like it, please pass it forward. And if you have questions or recommendations, I would love to hear from you.

All the best, Noel

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