A crisis when my husband returned from deployment in Afghanistan
My husband of over 16 years recently arrived back from his first deployment to Afghanistan. We had a wonderful marriage for 16 years where we were the best of friends, we did everything together and he was very loving and caring. We have 3 children, 2 teens and 1 pre-teen. He used to constantly tell me how much he loved me and how he was so happy that we were the couple that would never divorce.
Since just prior to his return, he began telling me that I wouldn't like the new him. Since he came home he has been distant and unemotional. He is hyper-sensitive to every issue and feels like every argument we have is just a continuation of the same argument and he has walked out.
He says he can't do it anymore, that for his mental health he needs to leave us, that we are better off without him. The kids and I have told him that we love him and want him to stay. He says he can't that I don't accept him as who he is now, that he has changed and I'm trying to control him and make him into something he's not anymore.
All I ask is for him to be more affectionate, and I only bring it up once a month, but it is too much for him. He left 4 days ago, called his family and told them that we are splitting and has contacted my family and told them the same. Yet daily he texts our children and asks how they are and if I am eating. He had our son make me something and texted me when he found out I didn't eat. He keeps checking on me daily yet he says he can never come home.
He left his ring on my nightstand when he left and 2 days after he walked out he emailed me the reasons he wasn't coming back. He began seeing a counsellor the same day. He also stated that he can't bear for me to walk out and leave him so he is doing it first, that way it is on his terms at a time of his choosing.
Is there any hope that he may turn around and come home? Is this a MLC? And if he is determined to leave us would he still check on us everyday and ask how I am doing? He isn't doing well either, he went 3 days without eating himself after leaving...Noel's response
I do not know whether it is a mild life crisis, as serving in places such as Afghanistan can be devastating.
I think his seeing a counsellor is the wisest choice for him right now. As to whether he will be back, I do not know.
In the meantime, I suggest you and the children live your lives as best you can, and be prepared to do so for a significant period of time.