About my children

by anonymous

My husband is definitely still going through a MLC possibly for 3 years now and I have been separated for 15 months now and I have been patient with him. There was another woman who he is living with just recently and he has introduced the boys to his 'friend'. The problem is he does not see them regularly and the friend keeps getting introduced at different times when he and the friend are on good terms, (has been a rocky relationship apparently).


I still love him, but feel more sad for him now as he is so angry all the time and his life seems to be getting worse not better, financially anyway. I am not prepared to go back there regardless but I am concerned about the children's emotional state, as it does confuse them, but they (at the moment anyway) miss their dad. He on the other hand does not keep much contact, especially since he has moved in with the friend. I have never stopped him seeing the boys but apparently it is my fault that he has not seen them for 5 weeks! What do I do?

My concern is he does not care much about the boys feelings, just his own. Also I have no clue if his relationship with the friend will last or not or if the boys have to keep getting used to other friends. How can I protect them and how do I know that my husband will not manipulate the boys into his way of thinking, as he is so unstable, and it is his way or no way at the moment.

I am getting on with my life as best as I can, it is still very new, but I have a goal that by August next year I should be more settled. I am getting divorced as well as my husband needs to come back to reality and understand that children don't live for free and have to rely on both their parents to bring them up regardless of what mental state the parents are in.

Noel's response

You don't mention how old your boys are, so I don't know whether my suggestion will be useful.

The only thing I can think of is to talk to the boys, in a non-judgmental way, about your view of what their dad is going through, so at least they have some data.

Also, help them learn how to use 'I statements', so they can talk to their dad about how they are feeling about their relationship with him, without making him feel too defensive.

In situations such as the one your boys are in, children need data, and often the adults in their lives don't give it to them, or give them distorted, judgmental data.

Comments for About my children

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Dec 13, 2011
Help
by: Anonymous

I've been married five years and have two children, 20 months and 9 years old, he left the house for month. And now he want to come back. My name is not on house or deed. Can he come back and make the children leave? The was brought before the marriage. And I'm still making the mortgage payments.


Noel's response

Do everything you can to get your name on the deed.

He cannot force you to take him back, nor make the children leave. But he could put the house up for sale.

But as you have been married for five years, he could not sell it without your permission.


Dec 04, 2011
About my children
by: NWF

Hi, I lost my 15 year old son to the MLC man when I tried to disciplin him--he ran to the father that he did not want to see for 10 months. He has been gone for 7.5 months now (turned 16 a few months ago-I missed that B.Day)and will not see me but 15 minute here or there. You see, he has been brainwashed with money, no disciplin, and from the paternal family (they are enabling all of this with their help). I have been in his "my-way-or-the-highway" for many years also and did not know what was going on. My H got so bad that he won't let me see my own son. The court told me to leave my house since the child was with the father; I had 2 weeks to find a place to go and pack up my entire house by myself and leave it behind.

This has been going on for 19 months now with the GF from 34 years ago-high school GF. He is 53 and I am 55 years old-we were married just shy if 16 years when he left for her attention and validation(17.5 years now). She moved here (NH) from Florida 2 months after he split-they do not live together. Now that he has our son with him, he does not get to see her very often--don't think this helps him thru the process any faster, it has slowed the process he is going thru. Everything that I have read, along with doctors and counselors that I have spoken with, all say this low self-esteem relationship will destroy itself sooner or later. Now that our Final Div. Orders are in and objections have been filed, I see things changing. Now we are financially both in great debt and the other woman (OW)has nothing to gain from him financially. She never had any children and I believe she doesn't like it that my H has our son for now. My H seems to be moving away from her now since he thought he would get away with the Div. for free--Not Happening and he is more depressed now than before. His problem, not mine. He will need to do that huge "heartfelt apology" and be totally transparent to me before anything changes.

Check out "midlifecrisismarriageadvocat.com". There is tons of info there that will explain what has happened to him. None of this is your fault. I am very sad about what has happened to my family but I never lost my self-esteem and do not intend to. He need to recover his though!!

Take care, NWF

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