affair or mid life crisis?

by alison maccraw
(belfast)

My husband of 10years is now deleting his calls and texts. i found viagra in his wallet, quizzed him, he hit the roof telling me to stop snooping he is doing nothing wrong. I am heartbroken and dont know what to believe.I am now ultra suspicious. He will not explain or give me a time line an is very angry. he cheated on his ex wife after 24 years of marriage and 3 children...not with me i might add. what can i do . i am 44 he is 52, i truly love him.

Noel's response

His actions certainly sound suspicious. And you are now suspicious, which means your marriage is going to go downhill in a hurry if the two of you don't sort it out.

My suggestion is that you let him know you don't feel you can trust him, and that you need him to talk to you honestly so you can rebuild trust. A marriage counselor might help the two of you communicate. Another message is to use a watch or clock with a second hand, and each take turns talking for three minutes. Set aside at least an hour before you start this, and when it is one person's turn to talk, the other may not speak AT ALL. That way both get to be heard without any interruptions.

If he won't talk, you need to decide whether you can stay in the relationship.

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