Affair

I think my husband is going through a midlife crisis. This started about a year and a half ago. He graduslly pulled away from me. He said he wasnt happy, wants his freedom,bored, wants excitement,doesnt know if he wants to be faithful to me, told me im useless,felt nothing after we had sex, but was always up for it. He went crazy when he got on facebook. Trying to hook up with younger girls. Telling them he was getting divorced before i even had a clue that it was this serious. He left 4 times and came back in the last year. He has been gone since november 16 2015. He is always angry and says hurtful things. I have not seen him since christmas and have not spoken to him since february 6 2016. He is now involved with this whore eho used to babysit him as a child. She is older. Her husband died septembe 13 2015. By october she had her claws into my husband. While we were yrying to work things out. He told our children that he is never coming back and he wants them to be friends with her. We have been together for 21 years. He has seen our youngest child who is 11 only once since chtistmas. He has barely talked to her. They have never met the whore and refuse to. He has not given me any financial help since december. I am working two jobs to keep everything going. He blames me for everything. He says marrige shouldnt be so much work. That we are not friends and have no connection. We are imcompatiable. When i have made changes he says to little to late. Should i file for divorce or wait it out? This is killing me.

Comments for Affair

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May 01, 2016
Affair
by: Anonymous

I am not keeping the kids away from him. He has chosen not to be there. Our kids ate 20, 18 and 11.they have seen his behaviour the last year and a half and they are disgusted by it.

Apr 12, 2016
:-) higher hopes
by: Ms. Mikiyah

Noel sums it all up beautifully.
Blessings to you & yours hon!

Apr 12, 2016
Affair
by: NWF

Hello, I am sorry that you are going thru this awful time in your life. I will give you the same advice that I have given to others. I would not advise filing for a divorce or even mentioning it, however, I would file for a legal separation so that you have some financial backing for your future. Men in MLC tend to spend a lot of money and even your retirement money. While you are still married to this man, you are 50% responsible for the debts as well. A separation will provide you with protection for your finances. I would get a separate charge card, checking and savings account so that your H cannot get to your hard earned money right now. I would make sure that you get your name off of any shared CC's as well.

The other advice that I have given to others is to go to the website: midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com and read the informative articles...all of them. They will help you understand what may be happening in your life. Do not tell your H that you think he is in a midlife crisis....he will deny, deny, deny all of it. This is not your fault...it is happening to him due to unresolved childhood issues....not yours. He will blame you for everything because he is confused and it is easier to blame than to look inward and deal with whatever he sees there. Learn to detach from his behaviors and respond...not react. MLC takes a very long time to go thru and he must go thru it, it cannot be stopped by you. It is not your fault or doing!!

Hugs for you, NWF

Apr 11, 2016

by: Noel

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. It does sound as though your husband is certainly going through a transition, and it has created as crisis for you whole family.
The only advice I have is:
- do not involve your kids in the struggle between you and your husband. It only creates pain for your children, as they feel torn between their love for you and their father, and feel guilty about their feelings about one (in this case their father) if the other (you) are always bad-mouthing the other. It is very unfair to your children. I notice you call the other woman a whore. I doubt she actually makes a living that way, so I suggest you use some other (neutral) word, such as her first or last name.
I have seen many parents involve their children the the struggles between themselves, and if they love their children, they would not do that.

- whether you should file for divorce is your business, but you do seem to have cause to. Outside of the expense (for both of you), it may give some closure and help you move on. If he truly does not want to lose you, it may create some motivation to make a decision. If you do divorce, and then decide you want to get together in the future, you can always get married again.

Hope this helps.
Noel

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