again husband cares for me but has lost his feelings
For six months my husband had an affair. At first he told me that they had only talked about our finances an our relationship. we were starting to get past all this (over the last 2 months) and on new years eve he drops the bomb that yes he had slept with her and has feelings for her. He says he is not in love with her but all the love feelings for me are gone. they did not go away over night but over a period of 2 years he told me. He cares for me deeply and said he will do anything for me. I have asked that we try to make our marriage work but he stresses he has nothing for me. we have two children ages 19 and 13, we got together at 18 and 21 we have been married for 17 years and I saw nothing coming like this. I love him dearly and even though i know about the other person I still feel we have something to save he has agreed to meet with a marriage councellor but I feel he is just doing it to console me.
we have talked extensively regarding all issues of the affair and yet he still assures me that the feelings lost had nothing to do with the other woman. I do at this point have to go back a few years and just say that he did have anxiety problems 2 years ago at which point he needed me like never before. he is now "fixed" for lack of a better word but I am now the one he wants furthest away. he says he loves me and will always love me but not the way a married couple is supposed to. he has tried in his mind to fix or find his love loss but now cannot even get excited in the bedroom with me, I feel like he is repulsed by me. Mid life crisis?? what to do??
It sounds as though he may be in a midlife transition. If he is feeling lost and confused about what to do in his life, he may be in the midst of the change. Time will help him get through it. The only thing I can suggest is the marriage counseling may help.
He may feel he needs to move out for a period of time in order to get things straightened out. I suggest you both read Crossing the Soul's River.
You might also want to set some boundaries about what you will and will not put up with. Ideally the marriage counselor will help with that.