Am I going through a Mid-Life Crisis

by Jack Ryan Rudd
(Anderson, Indiana)

Hello,

My name is Ryan, I am 36 years old and I think I might be going through a mid-life crisis or something equivalent to that.

I met my wife of 9 tears about 10 years ago while I was in the military, I love her very much but we had our issues with her using drugs for the first couple years.

She has completely quit and I got out of the army about 2 years ago. Things were good at first after getting out of the military but now I do not feel all that happy anymore. I know I love her and I certainly don't want to leave her but the attraction does not seem to be there anymore. I am spending more time at work, usually 10 to 12 hours a day and decided to use my Montgomery GI Bill and go to school 3 nights a week, so I am never home.

Recently I went out and bought a $700 pistol that I knew I didn't need and I knew it would make her very upset but I did it anyways. I feel bad but I told her that if she is that pissed then she should leave. Tonight when I got home she kissed me hello, which was nice but I still don't know what to do.

Am I going through a midlife crisis? If not, what do you think it is and how do you recommend I get myself fixed?

Thank You,
Ryan

Noel's response

It sounds very much as though you might be going through a midlife transition.

I suggest you read any or all of:
- The Seasons of a Man's KLife

- Crossing the Soul's River

- and A Harley or My Wife

-Transitions

You might also want to see a therapist to help you work through some of the feelings you are having.

I suggest you not making any major life decisions (such as leaving your wife), as you are in the 'no man's land' part of your transition, and in that stage you just have to stay the course until you begin to come out of it, which you will.

Talk to your wife about how you are feeling, assure her that you love her, and let her know you are experiencing some emotional and psychological changes that make it hard for you to be 'normal' with her right now.

You should also see your doctor for a thorough physical, partly because it is a good idea to get one every year or two, and partly to make sure there is no serious physical problem contributing to your condition.

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