and my small children?

The Question


Hi,
I have been married for 10 years and we have 2 children ages 6 and 7. I met my husband in college and he was going thru some hard time battling depression. He has always said I 'saved him' giving him some purpose in life.

Life has been good until last year when he left his 14 year job that he hated very much and we moved overseas to be with my family.

He had hard time there with language and culture issues. We left everything here as we were supposed to be gone for 5 years. We were only there 6 months as he was having hard time. Back in the states he is not making effort to get a job.

I feel he is disconnected from me, and he gets defensive anytime I touch the subject about getting a job. I took me 2 months to get one when we came back. We are living with his single brother but I want my own place. He has stated loud and clear that he will not move to an apartment as he needs a big place.

He says he doesn't know what he wants. He is depressed, he does take care of the kids and the house, but with complaints.

He is a good dad and I know my kids will suffer if he is not around. I love him but I need more from him. I feel like his roommate. He would only look for me for sex but I need the connection we had before.

Noel's response

It sounds as though he is in a depression. I recommend you encourage him to go to his doctor for a complete medical. Perhaps his doctor will recommend a medication to deal with the depression.

It is possible he doesn't know what would fire his passion, and doesn't want to go back to his old kind of work, which you say he hates.

You might also talk to someone (a therapist, counsellor, or spiritual advisor) to help you figure out what you need to do for yourself.

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