Betrayed by arranged marriage

by Jane
(London)

I have been with my partner for 5 years. He had work problems and out of desperation found work abroad. I visited him and we made plans for me join him. We were both happy to start a new life in a different country. He has never been married or had children and at the age of 53 kept saying he wanted children. I already had 2 adult children.


He suddenly went off and entered into an arranged marriage with a 35 year old woman. She is/was a complete stranger and in a country full of political unrest. He kept saying he regrets what he has done but was desperate to have children. He is drinking and smoking alot and I suspect this is a mid-life crisis. He loved me that I am certain of and cannot understand how he can cut off all feelings towards me to be with a stranger for children he may not have with person he does not love?? and I am left betrayed, hurt and confused to say the least...

Noel's response

I can understand your pain and feeling of betrayal. The urge to have children can be very strong in both men and women, and it sounds as though he gave in to the urge. It may be part of a midlife crisis, as he is seeing 'the end approaching' and it feels more urgent than ever that if he is going to have children, he do it now.

I can't offer any helpful advice except to move on with your own life. This pain, as with all things in life, including life itself, will pass.

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