blindsided!

by LYN
(canada)

The question

MARRIED twenty five years this year husband went away to camp for work. It was going ok. Then the last couple of times he came home he didn't seem himself he said he was tired from working all the time.

Two months ago he never came home on his days off. My son packed his things and left, and they both moved into an appt in another Province. I only found out later he had gone with his dad. Now two months later I find out the husband went back with his girlfriend from when he was 14. apparently they never really broke up!

Now he is telling me they are getting married and he hasn't even changed his mailing address for his phone bill credit card statements etc etc. Everything is in both of our names. He won't deal with anything, and when I told him I was getting a lawyer he said I was just doing that to hurt him! I moved all of his things out to a storage locker and that makes me feel a little better as I don't have to look at them, and that made him angry. He wanted to know why I would move his things out of OUR house. I'm sooo confused by all of his actions can someone shed some light on what is happening with this man? Was he really just sick and tired of US? Is this a MLC the man I knew is gone. Nothing remains of him at all. This thing that took over his body is messed up big time!
PS he has not talked to me on the phone or emailed or seen me face to face since he left Oct 20, 2010 what a chicken ! Lynn J

Noel's response

It sounds like midlife transition behaviour, but it also sounds as though there were some things in your marriage that were not being dealt with.

I agree with your decision to get a lawyer. Make sure you protect yourself financially. If he has left, and tells you he is getting married as he says, you need to look after yourself. You mention than everything is in both your names. No doubt your lawyer will suggest you put things in your name only, in order to protect yourself from his running up credit card bills in your name and/or emptying your bank accounts.

It is possible that even if he does get married to the other woman, it won't work out, and he will want to come back home. It is also possible he won't. Look after yourself now.