Can a midlife crisis change a man so drastically
by Ellen L
(NL, Canada)
The Question
My husband and I have been together for about 27 years and we have two young children. We have overcome many obstacles over the years but we got through them.
Recently my husband's behaviour has changed, moody, going out to his brothers/friends more and behaving out of the ordinary. About three weeks ago he said he no longer loved me and hasn't for quite awhile. Since then I found out he has been having a relationship (texting and physical) with a 27 year old girl. They have been meeting for coffees, texting constantly and well... other things.
My husband has talked to this girl about our love life and that I no longer did the things he wanted anymore. I will admit that our lives have become very hectic with work, kids, activities and home renovations. However, even though it has become very hard to make time for us as a couple and not just as parents, why would he not even try anymore?
Would a midlife crisis really make a man so unrecognizable, so uncharacteristic, as to leave his new home, his children, and all the things he once seemed to treasure? Can that man ever overcome this crisis? The damage has been done, the hurt so big that it would seem that nothing could ever repair it.
Noel's Response
A midlife crisis can change a man significantly. It can be complicated by the man (or woman) wanting their partner to 'make them happy, or fulfilled'. If he is getting together with a young woman, chances are he is trying to hold back the fear of aging, and of 'losing his youth'.
As with all things in life, this too shall pass for him. When one day he stops projecting perfection onto the young woman, he will realize his mistake, but in the meantime, he may continue to act 'out of character'.
As I suggest for many who write questions, your task is to move on with your own life, and if it is not too late, and he wants to come back at some point, to decide whether you want him back, and if so, what kind of relationship and commitment you want from him before you do.
If he has caused too much hurt, then carry on with your life. Get a lawyer to help you get as good a settlement as possible, and make sure neither of you drags your children into any kind of arguments or fights you have.
