Childless marriage and mid-life crisis connected
My husband is 46 and I am 48. We lived together for 9 years and have been married for 10 years.
When we met he knew I was infertile. He was fine with this and had no desire to have children.
About three years ago he became interested in the foster program. Together we took the required classes to transition ton become foster parents. After some reflection we decided fostering children was not for us.
I just now found out he wants children. He told me over the last two years he has been increasingly bothered that he has not had any. I never knew until last night he even felt this way.
He feels in turmoil because he knew what the situation was in the beginning and does not want to hurt me. He reflects on the nice childhood he had and now wants to give that to a child of his own. He feels empty, wondering what purpose and meaning is behind the things we have and what he does.
I do not know what to do. Please advise.
Renate A.Noel's Response
This is not an entirely uncommon situation. A number of years ago I had a friend who, when he got married, knew they would not have children. He was fine with it until in his early forties began to feel as though he was missing out, and wanted to have children.
Fortunately he had a number of visits with a psychologist who helped him through the dilemma.
The only thing I can suggest is that you and your husband see a marriage counsellor in order to work through this tough situation.