Confused

by Gillian
(England)

Hi ya myself and my husband were having normal arguments in our marriage we were married 5 years and he told me 2 weeks ago he was going to Australia to be on his own. He has two kids from a previous marriage (I did not separate them they were separated approx 4 years before I met him) I am heart broken and am looking for ans. He says I've pushed him away made him feel unloved and now I have made him empty and lost not sure how. All I doing is crying crying over him and also over the managing of the bills that's left behind for me to deal with. It all seems a shock to me as it happened so fast. When I call him he just seems so hard on the phone to me. I've cried and begged him not to go away but he says he is. Is this normal thanks


Noel's response

I don't know that there is a 'normal', and it doesn't matter whether it is. You are in the situation you are in.

The first thing I would do is talk to a lawyer or a legal adviser (there may be free government help in England) to take some kind of action to make him help pay the bills, and to protect yourself against him running up bills in your joint names.

I don't know what else to advise, except that you go ahead and 'cry yourself out', then move on with your life.

Comments for Confused

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Nov 05, 2011
Confused
by: NWF

What are your ages??

Don't cry to him, don't beg him and please do not give him ultimatums--NONE of this will work for you. Try to do the crying while you are alone. If you change your mindset (think of good things) while you talk with him it may help with the crying. I have been there, and still am, for 1.5 years. Nothing will help them see what they are doing, nothing. Give him his space, don't keep bringing up the subject, validate some of his issues but don't be a rug for him to walk on and he may not leave. Gently love him and just let him know that you respect his thoughts even though they may be different than yours but do not tell him (directly) that he has "rewritten" your history together-he does not see it that way.
Be kind (if you can) and as patient as your can for as long as it takes and he may not leave. He probably doesn't understand why he feels confused either or he will not admit it. If you suggest going to counselor, find the best one around, someone with a PhD and who is familiar with midlife crisis (MLC) and you go to see him/her first.

These guys are an emotional mess and anything you do to add to that will cause him to leave or withdraw more. He is acting like a spoiled child right now and will lie to you and deceive you at every turn.

Hugs for you, NWF

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