Crisis w/ GF!! Prior Abusive Relationship with her Ex causing problems???

by James
(NC)

Hi I'm a 31 year old male, My girlfriend is 27. We have been dating now for about four months. I have never been married however she was married for seven years. From what I understand he was abusive, however maybe not it first... He treated her horribly and she didn't want to put up with it any longer or have her kids witness anything and divorced him. She has a boy and a girl but I do not have any children. We have talked about marriage and children before but it was never really an issue that we talked about in-depth because of the short time period we have been dating I guess. Our relationship is terrific so far. We do however live in different states, so it is difficult to see each other, but I have met her children before when I was originally in her state and first met her. we do Skype all the time and I get to talk with them. As far as WE go, we talk 2-3 sometimes 4 times a day. Now about a month ago she actually got to come see me in my state and stayed for around a week. We had an AMAZING time and had so much fun together. We have a ton of things in common and really enjoy one another. We have similar interests and always have a lot to talk about.


Now it came up in topic about three weeks ago, after she had come to see me, that she had been having second thoughts about getting married again. She didn't know if she did or did not want to get married at this point.... She gave the reason being that by already having a boy and a girl which is what she originally wanted, she also said that since she had gotten morning sickness with both kids 24/7 it was very unpleasant, not to mention she was at home bed ridden and couldn't work, and didn't want to go through that again... Skipping ahead to later we had Been talking on the phone and skyping a ton! Also we had been planning a trip for me to go and see her and her family and her kids and all and stay for about a week or more.. She encouraged me actually to stay for as long as I wanted (: made me pretty dang happy, but I was only gonna stay about a week and a half.

About a week later out of the blue that's when things started to go south... I called the airline company and tentatively booked a trip there. After calling to confirm the dates with her she was uncertain that it was a good time to come... She proceeded to tell me in a weird/cautious manner that we should possibly postpone the trip until the end of January when we both had thought a little more about marriage and kids...(she had never acted like this before). Now she had been mentioning the last few days that she didn't know if she wanted anymore kids or not... To take that a step further, she originally wanted one boy and one girl and that's what she now had... So she was unsure if she wanted more kids. She had also said that she was scared and nervous for me to meet her children (I guess on a more personal level and at home setting).. She had asked me if the no children, if that's what she decided would be a problem and all I could tell her was I dunno...

NOW my question is.... With her being in an abusive relationship with her Ex-husband and having to go through 7 years together with crap, then now having to take the kids to meet their dad, drop off, pick up... If that her being afraid of what's to come, what the future holds.. That potentially me or somebody else could be the next blunder in her life!? I assure you that I am one amazing guy and treat girls with respect, and I would make the most excellent husband ever... Now I don't get into relationships that often because I never settle, because I haven't found what I'm looking for yet... But this one is a catch! Yeah she has 2 kids and am ex husband, but she is AMAZING, we get along great, have similar goals and have a ton of things in common.... Obviously you can never truly tell what your partner is like and predict what's to come years later if you were to get hitched.. But ladies is she having kind of a mid-life crisis or something and is battling things?? Is she scare of going through marriage again and it turning out the same as the first?? I truly Love her and want to make things work... I want to eventually get married... But if we don't get married for a few years or it's awhile because of her being scared I'm ok with that... But the kids I'm just not sure... I guess it's something to think about, but I wanna know if you think it's because of her ex and him maybe not being there with her when she was going through her morning sickness?? Maybe she hasn't had a TRULY LOVING guy that cares about her and would take care of her every need when he's not at work of course...

What do I do about the situation?? Since our last talk about this we haven't spoken but maybe once in the past 4 days... And as of late she hasn't been responding to my texts... Wont answer my calls... I'm scared I don't want to lose somebody I FINALLY feel good about.. I am willing to even move there in another year or so I'd things go well to be closer to her.. What do I do.... :-/. Ladies is there hope for me? For US?

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.