Decided after 12 years of marriage and 4 kids can't be together

by
(cleveland,ohio)

We have been married for 12 years and together for 20 years. My husband will be 38 this year and has decided to move out of our home to be able to find himself. I do not understand where this has come from.

He has told me that he feels our marriage is not the way its suppose to be and that he doesn't feel right within himself. We have gotten ourselves in a routine that we have lost ourselves. 2 of our children are twins and it has been very hectic with them. They are going to be 3 this year and so much has changed since we had them.

Last year my husband started exercising and caring about his appearance and he was going out a lot. I would accuse him of being with another woman but he has said no and I really believe him.

He has basically shut me out of his life and tells me that he can't hold on to anything because it won't let him figure himself out. He stays in touch with our children and we have set up visitation for them.

I want to support him through all of this and I love him dearly but I want to know if he is ever going to come back or snap out of this. He has shown multiple signs of a midlife crisis but when I mention to seek any counseling he refuses. I guess my question is how long do will this last and do I just learn to accept and let go?

Noel's response

It can last varying lengths of time, from weeks to years. And yes, the best plan for you is to learn to accept and let go. If he wants to come back sometime, you can decide then whether you want him back. If he doesn't, at least you haven't spent years waiting for nothing.