My husband and I have been together for 18 yrs and married for 15. Over the last we've had to move because I was relocated and he took charge of the family during these transitions and stayed home. We have have 3 boys ranging from 9-18 years old and he stayed home to rebuild their foundation and keep the family together. We were excited when my work started moving me around and thought of it as our journey. On July 4th 2016 we got into an argument and he said this was the last July 4th we would spend as a family. Couple of days later I sent him and email and he shared that he also had things to work on and would make an effort. Things were good for a couple of weeks and I thought he needed a break before he transitioned back to the workforce so I sent him to visit a mutual friend for about a week. Keep in mind this was a friend he has know since freshman year of high school and we all traveled together and apart many times. When he got back he asked me if I was happy because he hadn't been happy for a few years and wondered what else was out there for him to experience. I realized that my good intentions of sending him on a trip gave him the thought of what he could be missing out on. he even asked me if I had ever imagined being with someone else. I told him I loved him dearly and didn't imagine growing old and experiencing life without him. He was very surprised I said this. As the days went on things were good we literally were having sex almost every night. In the last couple of years it was like every 2-3 months and he would comment it hat we were roommates when he would get upset. I did so much more around the house and even pack him lunches every morning. He says he loves me but doesn't see me as he did back when we met. I can say sometimes he seems more affectionate and always says he loves me and calls me baby. He calls and texts and we have been making time for ourselves quite a bit. This weekend he said his thoughts were to have an amicable way to divide our finances, house rental etc and said he wouldn't go after me for alimony. By the way he works now. I didn't say much and tried not to react. A couple of days ago he was looking at marriage websites and got mad because I asked what he was doing. He even asked that I don't go to our sons football practice. I ended up going and was super nice at practice. Weird right? The other night I said I was tired and he asked if it was emotionally....I said emotional I felt like my heart has been ripped out and have a pit in my stomach. Then he asks if I'm embracing? I respond with no I'm not embracing what you want to do which is leave but I have come to the conclusion that the ball is in his court. Yesterday I sent him a text and explained it further....he replies back and says that this would be his journey to see what else the world had to offer. Maybe he would realize his family is the the best choice or maybe he would feel he made the right choice my leaving. He also said , where would I go? What would we tell the kids? Should we buy land out of state and say I'm fixing it up as an excuse? What if he or I meet someone.? This is what he put in the text. He also stated he wants to get into the weed business like in Colorado but wouldn't know how to get into it. I balled when I read it but knew I needed to stay calm. He says he doesn't want to screw me or the kids financially and has thought through what he wants. I don't want to ask him yet because we are refinancing a rental that I thought we would move into if anything ever happened to my job. But now I'm thinking I will move there with the kids to be closer to his parents and my family. I just don't want to screw anything up. I wonder though what his "amicable" division of assets looks like. When he got home he nor I mentioned the text discussion. But when I have the conversation of how he wants to split things I want him to knowing he leaves tomorrow or 2 years from now I'm giving him the same amount.
I adore him and feel shattered and I don't think he know how many people this affects. He is being selfish and I don't know how to make him wake up and realize that the vacation he had was just a vacation and not reality. By the way I'm not forking out money to buy a property out of state. Last thing.....did I mention he said accepting our marriage and making work means I accept the state we live inTX and his is not where I want my life to be. Part of me thinks it would be easier for him to leave the state but we have always been so close. I'm totally broken.