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Did my husband leave me because he couldn't perform?

My husband left me after 30 years of marriage. I felt for most of our marriage we were quite happy. Although, I know we never had sex as much as he wanted. He always seemed very attracted to me til about 3 years ago when he started to have a hard time ejaculating and then later keeping an erection (he is 57 now). I was going thru menopause as well so I let him know it was ok and our bodies were changing. He didn't really want to talk about it. I gave him space and I didn't bring it up much after that and we started to live more like brother and sister. He even didn't want to sleep with me. I missed his affectionate ways, but he almost seemed repelled by me. It was later he told me he was having an affair with his co worker and was obsessed with her. We are going thru a divorce now, but it feels so surreal because he always was so crazy about me and had desired me for most of our marriage. It breaks my heart that he could of left me because he felt shame and lost interest in me because he couldn't perform. I think every time he was with me he felt pressure and it made me someone to avoid. It breaks my heart that he would give up such a loving family.

Its been about 9 months now and he seems quite content with his new woman. He lives with her most of the time. He keeps telling me he loves me, but not in that way anymore.

Noel's response

It is possible that part of his reason for leaving was his inability to perform, although I doubt he would be consciously aware of it.

From your comment about him not wanting to talk about it, he sounds like a fairly typical man who is not in touch enough with his feelings to know what is causing him to do certain things.

His new relationship may last, but chances are that when the 'honeymoon stage' is over, he will discover she is just a person as well, (not a magical lover) which may cause him to look at himself.

Comments for Did my husband leave me because he couldn't perform?

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Feb 16, 2012
why did he leave me and our child, because he couldnt perform??
by: Anonymous

Same story here,,,married for ten years,one kid and life was happy one until two months ago out of blue he announced and left me stunned and broken heart, problem is I am still hopelessly in love with him, tried to get over him but it hurts me even more everytime i think about him.

Dec 23, 2011
RE: Sexual problem
by: Anonymous

thanks for sharing your story my husband also left me because his inability to have an erection with me. He is 42 and we have been married for 9 year. We have been separated and on the road to the divorce. He is doing all the work so I don't really have a say about this but I guess it is better for the both of us to divorce. Take care and good luck. I feel for you.

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