Divorce

The Question

My 41 years old husband and I had sexual problem for a year. He can not maintain his erection when having sex with me. With oral sex, he can come.

He has told me to sleep with other people if I want but don't let him know. I told him I don't want to do that. I wanted us to work on our sex life. Two months later he told me he wants a divorce. He is no longer passionate about me. He is giving up.

I thought that our relationship was without sex but is going fine. That was why I suggested we work on our sex life. Do you think he is going through a midlife crisis or what? He has moved out. What should I do? Thanks.

Noel's answer

He may be going through a midlife crisis, but I think the two of you (or certainly him by himself) would benefit from sex therapy. If he will not go, I don't know of much you can do, except perhaps seek some counselling for yourself to help deal with this situation.

Comments for Divorce

Click here to add your own comments

May 01, 2011
Update
by: Anonymous

I have been separated from my husband for 9 months. There is no talk of reconciliation from him. We don't talk. I don't like to talk to him too much because we tend to get into arguments. Things have calmed down because I have kept interactions brief. We are working on separation agreement with the lawyer.

I am wondering if it is time for me to move on?

Noel's comment
Yes, it is time.

Mar 24, 2011
Divorce
by: Anonymous

He has not come back. I am doing whatever I am doing right now. He wants a separation agreement and I am working with a lawyer to give it to him.

He is very irritable. It has been 8 months that he moved out. He did not bring anything with him. He is very irritated around me. I am still feeling hurt about him wanting a divorce but I am doing everything I could to make me happy. This event has made me more mature. Thanks for your comments.

Sep 27, 2010
Divorce
by: Anonymous from Minnesota

Yes, it does get worse...especially when he hooks up with a conniving type of woman that mine did. He and I had several conversations and he told me about the self-serving advice she gave him, including cutting off all communication with me and our daughter. He's been very emotionally and verbally abusive with me, and was, but no longer is with our daughter. Now we are going through a bitter divorce orchestrated largely by his new girlfriend because she had a bitter divorce herself.

He kept claiming he wants reconciliation but that has been nothing but a line of crap out of him. His idea of reconciliation is for him to move back in with me and resume our life together the way he dictates and I have no say in the matter. None of the issues that made him leave will be discussed. I am to accept him the way he is and like it.

I say, "No way! Good riddance to you! You are NOT the man I married!" I can't wait to sign the divorce papers...

Sep 07, 2010
Divorce
by: Anonymous

Thank you. I told him that I think he is going through midlife crisis. But he did not agree with me. He is still very responsible in term of spending. He has always been a caring and responsible husband and father.

Just lately, I found him quite irritable and difficult. I have a lot of troubles trying to focus on things. I have a young daughter to take care of. My heart goes out to you. Take care.

Sep 07, 2010
RE: Divorce
by: NWF

Hi,
My husband did the same thing for 7 or 8 years and oral sex did nothing to help our situation.

In April I found out he was having a telephone affair since February and he filed for divorce after 16 years.

He started accusing me of everything under the sun that I did wrong and caused this mess, never claimed anything was half his doing. His mind is blowing it all out of proportion as only our sex life was a mess due to stress on him from work.

I told him I didn't want the divorce and he asked me if I'd sleep with him and I did, every night for 2 months and it was great-- everything was working just fine now.

Then, with a 4-day notice, he walked out the door to an apartment 15 miles away so he could visit our 15 year old son. He did see the long distance girl, his ex from high school that dumped him and broke his heart and he then broke our wedding vows. This doesn't bother him at all since he told me "our relationship is over" he believes he can do anything he wants to.

Full of entitlement and self-centered money spending. Watch out for your money--go get it or he will spend it all! He went to her for emotional support-can you believe it? I found out today that she moved here yesterday and left her sick mother behind 1600 miles away.

He doesn't know that I know so I have to wait and see if he has the b---- to tell me. At least he didn't let her move in with him - I get mixed messages all of time. He apologizes to me if he thinks he upset me and then he will get angry again. They cycle and go through replay with the old, or new, girlfriend.

I don't think you need sexual therapy - it is his mind just starting to go through midlife transition which will turn into a crisis if he has an affair and you find out and the children don't know what the hell is going on.

Look on-line for other sites about this. I learned much through midlifecrisismarriageadvocate dot com. Check it out, for yourself to learn more about this from other woman who have gone through it.

Hold on to your hat - it gets worse.
NWF in New Hampshire

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.