Do they ever wake up and realize they made a mistake?

by lisa
(missouri)

My ex left me for another woman in April of 2011.We had been together for nearly eighteen years with the exception of an eight year break in between.We have three kids together ages 21 months, 6 yrs, and 17 yrs so as you can imagine my hands are full. He started what he said was an emotional affair with a woman from work. They sent texts constantly and i finally caught him a week after he said he was emotionally detached and we needed time and space apart. I was crushed and in shock for months. We moved out in June as the home we lived in was his along with everything else. I pretty much had nothing except for our personal belongings and the car he signed over to me. He owns his own business and does quite well, while we struggle to get by. Needless to say life has certainly changed. It didn't work out with the other woman like he had planned and in late September he started coming around more and being decent to me and the kids after pretty much ignoring their existence for months and being a total ass to me.

So since i was and still am deeply in love with him and would do almost anything to have him back i agreed to be just friends and hang out and see where things go. We started having sex pretty often and i thought we were going to get back together or so i had hoped. During this time which lasted a couple of months he said his head was messed up and that he never could fall back in love with me, but he wished i was the girl he loved. He also said he knew he made a mistake and was sorry he was so foolish, but never said come back home. How could he have not loved me when i felt so safe and so loved? He said i never was affectionate enough or made him feel loved or wanted. I had no idea i just thought he really wasn't all that affectionate but always thought he loved me as he had said he did. I told him i couldn't keep having sex and hanging out cause it was messing with my head and my heart he knew how i felt and knew i loved him and that this was tearing me apart. He slowly stopped talking and takes the kids rarely as he likes to go out and have his fun knowing i am stuck at home with the kids. Thing is their with him tonight and here i am crying and alone i know i should just let it go but my gosh this hurts so much and the pain is so raw. When will the hurt stop? Would you give it up? I cant stop thinking about him and cant focus on anything i think i need help. HE asked me tonight why i was so mad at him. I told him lets just not even go there because i figure if he doesn't know by now he never will. I just want to be happy again.

Noel's response

I suggest some counseling to help you move on with your life. I also suggest you accept that your relationship with him is over, so you don't need to keep wondering about it. You are probably right when you told him if he doesn't know by now he never will.

You might want to talk to him about a formal separation and arrangement for him to pay a reasonable amount of support. If he resists, a mediator or lawyer would be the next step.

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