do they return to the marriage

The Question


My husband left a month ago. Says he still loves me but wants to be by himself. He said he doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else. He wants to be in control of his own life with no responsibilities to anyone else.

Married 20 yrs. 18 yr old son. He finds reasons to come over to see me and is very friendly and loving.

Noel's response

Sounds as though he is in a transition, and doesn't know what else to do. Chances are he will work his way through it, and come home when he is done, assuming you still want him back.

Comments for do they return to the marriage

Click here to add your own comments

May 12, 2015
My husband lleft me
by: Anonymous

On March 11 my husband just came home and said he was leaving after 23 years of marriage. Sadly I am Disabled and have suffered from chronic pain and other illnesses most of my life so him leaving has turned my world upside down. He said he had lost his identity, that I had made him sell his guns (over 23 yrs ago) and that he wanted a relationship with his family (whom walked away from 7 yrs ago).
I try and text and call and either says he is busy from work, too tired, he does not want to talk about it right now. I remain depressed and in pain. Today is 2 months since he left but add to that the 7 months previous that his whole demeanor changed towards me. He had bece distan, only spoke in monotone to me and with only 1 words. I believe he is suffering from midlife what do u think?

Apr 14, 2015
Midlife crisis
by: Anonymous

He left me up North two years and four months ago. I came home from work and he said he was leaving to start a business. He left that night in the minute move driving to our FL vacay home we shared 14 years of memories in and planned to move there one day soon. He left me and our dreams I also worked hard for, met a woman and now lives in the beach house with her. It's been a little over a year they've been together. We stopped talking and I still cry everyday. My heart is starting to heal.

Dec 09, 2010
do they return after midlife and what are the signs
by: Anonymous

Do they return after 5 years and another woman, and what are the signs when the midlife ends?

Dec 09, 2010
midlife crisis husband
by: Anonymous

I have read some of the comments and I know exactly what you are going through. the same happened to to me 5 years ago.

we met when i was 17 and he was 19. I loved him so much and he was my best friend. We were married for 31 years and have 2 sons 1 daughter and 6 grandchildren.

my world was torn apart after he got up one morning and said he did not want to be here without an explanation and left. I tried to talk to him but to me he gave me 1hr of his time. he had turn into a stranger that i did not know and even the children said is my dad ill. he got a flat and after 12 months moved in with a woman that he met before this happened.

I then received divorce papers, that he was divorcing me because i threw a leather jacket away and went shopping instead of going camping with him. I did not want the divorce but had no choice.

i have got better each year and now and again text him sometimes, with little response from him as he kept his mobile no. He goes to see the children and grandchildren on short visits at birthdays and Christmas as he feels it is an excuse to see them. They see him as their father and try to hide there emotion of hurt and don't talk about it. that is how he deals with it.

I try to move on and have moved on with some of my life with the help of friends and family but still get upset when i think of the memories of all those years we had. I have always wondered whether it will pass and do they feel and love again the best things they left behind.

Dec 08, 2010
he also left
by: sue

My live in boyfriend of 12 years said pretty much the same thing... "I have to find out if I can make it alone" He moved to another state.

I found out that he got married to an old girlfriend 4 weeks later--he swears it just started when he moved back to Texas.

She has two kids and he has always wanted a family, we didn't have children and I'm older than he is. Of course I'm devastated and feel like thrown away garbage.

Aug 01, 2010
Do they return to the mariage
by: Anonymous

That is good to know. I told my husband that I understand what he is going through and that I will be there for him. I admit it is difficult, however I believe in our marriage and in him.

He thanked me for being understanding.

Jun 08, 2010
Help
by: Anonymous

Well where to start? My partner of 28 years
says he needs to do some thing for him for a change as he spent his life doing what I want.

So he moves into our holiday home and for eight months chat over internet to me.

Then in June flies back to our family home and says that it's over, he does love me any more and has not missed me. I ask if he found someone else. He just says no, he wants to be on his own.

I feel the bottom has fallen out of my world.

I told him I would wait and be here when he wants me as I love him more than anything.

Do you think he have a midlife crises and do you think he will come back to me?

NOEL'S RESPONSE

It sounds as though it could be a midlife crisis, but I cannot tell you whether he will come back.

My suggestion is you look at what you want with your life, and work toward it, with or without him. Putting your life on hold while you wait for him to come back could be a total waste of time.

May 31, 2010
Re: do they return to the marriage
by: Bella

hi there,
My partner of 10 yrs acting EXACTLY the same way except he found this new girl during the transition and moved in with her. He's in his mid 30s. It's been a month for me now too.
Lately he's more expressive & trying to reach out for me instead of agitated/withdrawal from me like in the beginning.

Interesting, I found it more pleasant to be with him now than before except I do not like him to be with this new girl he met.

I used to cry daily & went through major depression when his signs & symptoms started, then the affair, then moved out. But now, I'm slowly adapting to taking care of myself/bills on my own while he's out there in his own bubble world. And he's slowly bringing me back to his life and tell me how important I am to him.

So for your case, be patient, give your husband some space and time. Once he's over the hill, he'll run home and find you. The thing is, no one know how long that will be.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.