does a man going through midlife crisis like to read and look at pornography more?

by Bonnie Wallace
(Winter Haven, Florida)

Question

My husband is 60 years old he is twelve years older than me. I have recently found out he has been reading erotic stories and looking at erotic pictures on the internet. This has happened before, and I am no prude and asked him if he enjoyed this, then let us look at these together.

I caught him again after the first time I found out and he has apologized for lying to me about it.. What should I do. We have been married for 29 years and I love him deeply. Is this a mid life crisis?

Noel's Answer

I do not know whether it is a midlife crisis, but I have heard a number of men at midlife and older say they look at pornography and read erotica. Of course a lot of younger men do as well.

I think a man uses pornography for a number of reasons. Perhaps he is feeling a bit inadequate as a lover (at age sixty, his sex drive is significantly less than at age thirty), and pornography may give him some 'sex' with no fear of failure.

Maybe he is trying to assure himself that he 'still has it', by vicariously 'getting it on' with young women.

If his looking at pornography bothers you, or if it is affecting your sex life in a negative way, you might talk to him, and explain its effect on you.

Try not to take his doing this personally, as it likely has little or nothing to do with his love for you.

Noel