don't get it

by trevor
(west virginia)

I've been working at the same place for the last 7 years. I really thought i loved it. we have down time a couple times a year where we are off work for a few weeks. This is one of those times. I am 47 and somethings not right.


I have always enjoyed church and singing in church, leading the praise and worship. i don't want anything to do with either now. I find all these things wrong with my wife and it really irritates me to the point i don't even want her to talk to me. My kids seem to want, want, want and show no appreciation for anything. it seems i do everything around the house (i mean everything, from cooking to cleaning to laundry to the yard, everything).

I have very depressed times and wonder how well off my family would be if i were dead and how they wouldn't aggravate me if i were. I've had gay thoughts and found myself enjoying them. all i want to do is cry sometimes (when no one is around) I have never heard of this crap and it scares me. What the heck is going on?

Noel's response

It sounds as though you are in the middle of a midlife transition.

It is very common for men who were passionate about something (work, hobbies) to suddenly lose interest. It happened to me in my early fifties - I had been passionate about teaching Holistic Management to farmers and ranchers, and then suddenly didn't want to do it any more, and I couldn't think of what I DID want to do. If you read the Men's stories on this site you will find others who suddenly lost interest in what they used to love doing.

I suggest you go to your doctor for a thorough medical to make sure you don't have any serious health issues, and perhaps to ask for an anti-depressant to help get you through this transition.

I also suggest you read Crossing the Soul's River: A Rite of Passage for Men, and The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression, which may give you some insights into what is happening.

You might also want read my book "A Harley or My Wife?" (you can find it through the home page on this site.)

And remember... this too shall pass.

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