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feeling like a failure


My husband is 41 and recently we had a boarder(female) who was removed from the house on my part because I felt like a fifth wheel in my own house.

Three months later my husband says he needs to figure himself out. He says he feels like a failure because he has had many jobs over the past six years and has not been able to keep one for more than eight months.

He feels he has let the kids down, let me down, let everyone down. He feels he cannot provide the way a man should provide for his family. He also feels like he let me down because he let himself get too close to our boarder.

He is usually very easy going and lets things roll off his back, but lately everything irritates him, even driving down the road if a slow driver is in front of us, he gets ugly.

This is not my husband that I fell in love with 19 years ago. I recently asked him if thought family life was too much for him and couldn't answer me.

Right now he stays at a friends house for most part of the day and night and comes home to "check on things". He feels his friend can help him thru this but I am coming to the realization that we may need help.

He does talk more to me now than he ever did and does say he loves me, but I feel that is only to comfort me.

What do you think?

confused wife and mother

Noel's response

It sounds as though your husband is having a midlife crisis, and I agree you/he needs help.

I do not know why he has been unable to hold a job for more than eight months, but unless they are really bad (boring work, low pay) jobs, he may have some kind of attitude problem that some personal counselling would help.

His irritability also suggests he is depressed (see symptoms of depression in men.

It is also advisable that he see his doctor for a full medical.

As a couple, you may also find marriage counselling useful in getting through this difficult time.

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