Get my husband to couseling

by Sandy
(Mt. Laurel, NJ)

Question


My husband and I got together 1988 and married in 1996. Several years after marriage we started trying to conceive to no avail. Tried fertility here in NJ and then moved to Cape Cod where my husband is from and conceived in Ma. via InVitro Fertilization. Moved from his parents to our place, my husband then was laid off moved back to NJ pregnant with our second child where my husband started a new job.

Rented for three years then purchased a home where my husband two months after moving in told me he wanted a divorce. He then lived in the home for another year before moving out.

Now it has been two years since he said I want a divorce. I have done alot of my own homework between therapy and researching. I understand my husband has alot of issues which I was unhappy with prior to him saying he wants a divorce ie. OCD, bowel problems and the need to look like he walked out of a magazine. Extremely clean car, hair just so, clothing perfect and so on.

Parents will not help as they feel it is our problem will not speak to son about it. When mom speaks to son our situation is never spoken about she tries to hold on to her son and when sister speak to their brother the never feel its the time to talk about it.

I am alone, as my adoptive parents died many years ago. I have a sister and brother who are much older I don't see them much. The only support I have is some friends who don't understand why I am holding on. I love my husband and I want my family together.

I don't want to lose everything I have and believe me I will. There are Many bills I was unaware of, as my husband spends to fill a void. Much more to the story but have taken up much of your time which I truly appeciate. My husband say he doesn't love me really never did, has much anger which he never showed before and now uses the "F" word infront of the children. He will not go to therapy. What do I do?

Noel's response

I have to agree with your friends. I think it is time to move on. Your mention of 'many bills' is an alarm bell. No matter whether you stay or go, the bills will have to be paid, and it sounds as though he is still running up more.

You have done your own work, so will be attracted to a more mature partner in the future. Your husband is making it clear he doesn't want to be married to you. Let go and find someone who does.

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