he cares but does not love me.
I have been married for 24 years to a lovely husband. In July of this year he said he didn't love me or have feelings for me. This was totally unexpected for me. We are both very placid natures. We weren't having arguments or even drifting apart, the week previous we had a lovely weekend in London and he brought me an iPad for my birthday. I was devastated, he went the night he told me and came back the next day, hugging me and decided to stay, 5 weeks later I found out he had started secretly meeting a fellow work colleague who was also married. I kicked him out. He went to stay with a male mate. This fling with another woman was on and off and in September my husband came and asked to come home. I asked for the reason and he said he missed his comforts and hated living in a strange home, I told him they were the wrong reasons and he couldn't come back even though I wanted him home so much. Whenever he came round to see the kids he looked so miserable. I tried to talk to him and find out why this had happened, he had a good life, holidays, he went out with mates when he wanted, I never nagged him, lovely home, fantastic kids and a kind, caring loving wife. About a week ago he rang to ask if he could come and talk to me, when he came he got hold of my hands and asked me to take him back, he said he missed us and home. He hated living where he was. I took him back because I love him. We have talked but things don't make sense he said when he came to visit us he tore at his heart when he had to walk away, then next he's saying he would have been better living in his own place rather than at a mates. He still doesn't love me but cares. I just don't know where I am with him, is he going through a midlife crisis, is he here for the comforts. I can't be hurt anymore it's made me so I'll. He can't say what love is to him.
It does sound as though he is in a midlife transition, which will pass in time. In the meantime I suggest you have him go with you to marriage counseling to help the two of you figure out how you are going to communicate and live together satisfactorily while he goes through this transition.