He doen'st want me to come to his high school reunion

My husband says that he would prefer to attend his high school reunion without me because he would worry about me having a good time. He has expressed his interest in seeing the girlfriend before me.


This event is at a hotel and he has reservations for two nights. We have been married for 31 years, i am concerned. I have always trusted him, this time i do not. I have expressed my hurt in him not wanting to me attend, but he says he was just joking. I am not buying it.

I am not going to interfere, infidelity starts in the heart. I must see this through over the next six weeks.

Noel's response

As you have been married for 31 years, I am assuming you are both in your 50s. My wife and I both found that during our early fifties, as part of our transition to the 'Third Age', we began to thing a lot about the boy- and girl friends we had when we were young. I encouraged my wife to contact her old boy friend, and she did. She had a couple of conversations with him on the phone, and we had coffee with him when we were in his town a year or so later.

I invited my high school girlfriend for supper one evening and the two of us had a long conversation.

Both these situations allowed us to bring our minds 'up to date' with who these people are now. This was an important part of 'letting our old lives go' as we moved into the next phase of our lives. People we knew in our younger years tend to get 'frozen in time' and don't age in our minds. Seeing them as they are today can change our image, and perhaps our fantasies about them.

Your husband might be at least telling part of the truth when he says he worries you won't be happy at his reunion. In my experience, high school or college reunions can be a drag for the spouse, and consequently hard for the one whose reunion it is to really enjoy themselves.

He may also want to be free to talk to the old girlfriend without worrying about you being jealous.

You say you have always trusted him, but don't in this case, which suggests to me that either you have not really always trusted him, and in this case it is coming to the forefront, or maybe you would not trust yourself in this situation, so assume you can't trust him either.

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