He has left me after 69 days of marriage

by Jayne Thornton
(UK)

Hi,

I have been with my husband for 13 years, we only recently got married. He is a city banker in London and I think the pressure has been too much for him to cope with at such a young age of 30/31. He tells me his work friends have said he's under the thumb even though he has a lot of freedom. I would really like to give this another go as this is the 1st break-up we have ever had.

We have been together since we were 19 so that's a long time. In the past 12 months we have bought a new house, he started a new job, we took on major renovation work in the house, got married and were planning a move abroad. These are all stressful by themselves, but we managed all in one year.

It's been hard work but we were a week from completion before he walked out. He has moved abroad on his own and I really want to work things out with him. I believe he has been seeing someone else and is now making a load of reason why he does not have feelings for me anymore.

I don't really know what to do as this feels like a crisis more than anything else.

Noel's response

I am not sure what to suggest. You may well be right in thinking the pressure of his job plus all the other things you have been doing got to be too much. It does not sound like midlife transition so much as a 'normal' marital crisis.

I have observed in the past that often when people have lived together, sometimes for many years, and then get married, they end up in divorce. I am not sure why that happens.