He is almost 60, and wants more sex than ever

The question


I assume my husband is having a mid-life crisis. He contacted a woman he has known for over twenty years that he always called his friend. He started having an affair with her.

After I confronted him for days and days, he stated that he felt his life was over. He had accomplished all his goals as far as career, the house is paid for and the kids are all gone.

He also felt I did not love him because I did not lust for his body. I found out that he was obsessed with sex and felt less than a man because I was not lusting after his body. We are working the problems out, but I find it hard to understand why so much is tied to sex. He is 59 and all of a sudden he wants to have sex everyday - maybe twice a day if I allow it.

It is early yet, but he has professed his love for me. I think the affair has ended but time will tell.

Noel's response

When men are lusting after more sex, especially at his age, it sometimes means they are losing some of their sexual power - starting to have occasional erectile dysfunction for example - and they begin to worry about it. They believe, often without even being aware of it, that if they can have frequent sex, they are still virile, and not losing their manhood.

Sex, and the penis, are for men what having attractive breasts, and looking desirable to men are for women. We are sexual beings, and when we begin to move away from our active sexual years at midlife and beyond, it can be frightening for some men, and for some women.

Comments for He is almost 60, and wants more sex than ever

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Mar 17, 2011
Help
by: Anonymous

Thank you so much Noel for your response. I am more relieved to feel others have encountered the same problem.

I am understanding of the problem and a little clearer as to why my husband felt he could not address this problem with me. However, I have another problem in that my husband is having extreme difficulty ending the relationship with his friend. He states she came to his rescue when he needed her and can't figure out how to end it without her having gross heartache. .

Since he doesn't need her anymore, he feels she is going to feel as if she was used and thrown away. His plan is to be less involved in her emotional status, start to act somewhat dull, and let it play out.

I am somewhat distressed about the situation because he created a monster and this must end sooner then later. He has involved himself so deeply that he is giving her monthly money, preparing her taxes, and has promised her his love, friendship, and also stated he would help her with money as long as he could.

He has worked hard on our relationship and is very happy.

Mar 15, 2011
Holy ... I can't cope
by: Anonymous

my husband of 28 years has been suffering for over a year now. Horrible depression, he stays in our spare room for days on end. When he finally emerges... all he wants is sex.

He starts asking first thing in the morning and it continues throughout the day and night. I will often say ok just to try to make him happy, but he usually finds fault with my performance ( in his mind he wants porno sex with much younger women.)

This behaviour continues until he goes back in the room. I have tried everything over the past year talking , begging babying etc. Nothing works, now I just leave him alone until he emerges.

When he is up, he says his problems are because of me... that I don't love him enough, I don't show him compassion, tenderness and touch enough.

I am lost and lonely. I did have him see our family Dr. he prescribed an anti depressant but it does not appear to be altering his moods one bit. I worked so hard for the first 25 years of our marriage only to feel totally ripped off now.

My husband floated through our marriage without helping much. Now he criticizes everything I say or do. HELP

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