He is looking up old high school girlfriends

Hello,

I have been married to my husband for 31 years, last year some stupid old hs girlfriend who is also married and lives in another state found my husband on FB. Well one thing lead to another to another to another and all of a sudden he wanted a divorce and he bought another cell phone and created another email.
We went through hell for about a 10 months until I finally told her husband and she decided she was not going to leave her husband. Anyways now he is trying to seek out other old hs gf's and trying to bring up the past. I am sick emotionally and do not know if I can handle it anymore.
Is it possible for him to still love me? He is 52 years old, over weight, diabetic, HBP, sleep apnea, high cholesterol and has no sex drive...
what can I do???
thank you,
M. Galaviz

Noel's response

It is probably still possible for him to love you. Perhaps does, but is not aware of it at the moment.

He may be looking up other women in order to feel better about himself. Your description of him makes him sound like a physical wreck.

Another question might be 'is it possible for you to still love him, after his affair with the old girlfriend?'

Comments for He is looking up old high school girlfriends

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Oct 05, 2011
The old girlfriend is a symptom of something else
by: Anonymous

Hi there,

I see it's been a couple of months since you posted. I hope you are doing well.
I recently found out my husband of 12 years has been secretly emailing his old girlfriend from 25 years ago.
It didn't get that far. It was strictly email and it was more affectionate than romantic, but still wrong. The email relationship lasted off and on for 2 years. He created a secret account to talk to her because he knew from the beginning I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. They decided 2 years ago that it should stop. Neither one of them felt good about the friendship...and apparently her husband wasn't too thrilled either.
They all had the benefit of knowing about this while I only found out 2 weeks ago.

we are in counseling now, realizing this email relationship was a symptom of a bigger problem.
And when it comes to nostalgia, you can be almost powerless to it. Who doesn't want to feel young again? Who doesn't want to remember a time when life was easy? No mortgage payments, no screaming kids, no laundry, no deadlines.. when he was emailing her, he could be that 20 year old cool guy again because that's how she saw him.
And vice versa, he viewed her as this sweet innocent person who never nagged him about taking out the garbage.
(by the way, I saw a picture of her and I'm happy to report she's a real schnauzer, lol) and needless to say, I'm adorable. :)

Marriage is such a complicated thing. You always love each other, but sometimes it doesn't feel like you're IN love anymore.
it's easy to lose your connection with someone. It's so cliche but marriage really is work.
It takes a lot of work to go the long haul with someone and not want to kill them by the end of it.

So my hubby and I are trying. There is love there. If he wanted to have a sexual affair with this woman, he would've. But he didn't. He just wanted someone to give a shit about what he had to say. At the time, it obviously wasn't me.

It's unfortunate your husband gave up on the marriage without even trying to work things out.
He honestly doesn't sound like much of a catch...but he's your guy. And I bet you love him a lot otherwise you wouldn't bother writing on this message board. :)

Forgiveness can also be part of marriage I think. Everyone has their breaking point.
Maybe you have to ask each other, what's yours?

Best of luck.

We all deserve to be happy.

Aug 23, 2011
Girl friend in high school
by: Anonymous

I looked up a girl friend and found she had gained 150 pounds. It was a short visit.

Aug 12, 2011
MLC Husband
by: M.Galaviz

To Anonymous:
I am so sorry for your pain. Let me tell you my husband tortured me for months, he would always deny everything.

Anyways in September of 2010 I had a colonscopy and my husband took me the appt. well the whole time he was with me he was texting his gf ( the slut) and he just treated me like dirt. He withdrew his direct deposit, moved into a spare room, removed his wedding ring and would not have anything to do with me. I was crushed I could not understand how he could do that to me!! ME his wife of 30 years....He acted like I had the plague.

I became very ill and depressed all I did was cry and I could not eat. I was still washing his clothes and cooking dinner and making his lunch. WOW what a dummy huh?
The whole time he kept telling me he did not know what he wanted.......I was devastated.
I had to file for divorce cause he said he could not do it until January of 2011 because that is when that slut's son was getting married so then she could leave her husband of 32 years and their three businesses and their luxury cars and homes and condos for a machinist who had promised this dirt bag a "cabin" on the woods with dogs which was OUR dream. There is more to tell and I will later..............

Aug 12, 2011
Old High School Girl Friend
by: Anonymous

Hi,

My husband did the same thing. He looked up his old GF from HS from 34 years ago without me knowing it. She was in Florida at that time and single w/no children. We were married 16 years at that point and he was 51 then, now almost 53. That was 1.5 years ago. After 4 weeks of this private talk, with his new secret phone, he asked me for a divorce out of the blue. I didn't know why until about a month later when I found the phone and her name on it.

He filed for the D in mid-April of 2010 but didn't leave home until late June. She moved here last August. She does not live with him though as we have a 16 year old son and he is hiding her from him; he does know his dad did this. This was a secret until I saw his Ipod one day and found out she moved back here. I was in shock thru all of this. The D is not final yet even after 16 months because he keeps changing everything. I think this is his way of delaying the D until he figures things out.

He will not admit to having a MLC but he has said a few things that indicate he knows he is an emotional mess. He hasn't spoken to me for at least 4 months and hardly emails except about the house listing or the D papers. He won't come home to help with the lawn or anything else because he is feeling too guilty for what he has done to his family. I don't know if this will ever end.

Noel and others say it will but he may not come home, even then. He doesn't tell me that he loves me and he doesn't say he doesn't either. Sometimes he says "I don't hate you but our marriage is over with or I don't think I can ever live in that house again with you."

They get so messed up that I don't think they even want to live in their own skin!! But, he says he loves the old GF to his family. It is a horrible emotional roller coaster ride and I want out but I do love him. How stupid is that? He has destroyed my trust in him, our financial life, our family life, and my son doesn't know what to do. He is angry at me and at his dad.

Don't be his door-mat and be strong, so he sees you are strong but do not say very emotional things to him--he can't handle it right now and it will only hurt your situation.
Hugs for you, NWF

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