He says he loves his high school sweetheart. Is going to leave me?

by lovelylady55
(new york)

The Question

My husband is in a midlife crisis. We have been married for 35 years. Is it possible that he will leave me for his high school sweetheart as he says he is in love with her?

He is still taking care of what he needs to at home and our sex life is still incredible. We do not argue and I don't ask questions as I don't want to know what is going on. I live with the hope that we will remain married and happy after this is over.

I am hoping we will get closer together and this is a book in his life that he has not yet closed. How long does this normally last? Do men who are going through this crisis usually regret leaving their wife if they should decide to leave?

Noel's response

There is no set time that these transitions last. They can go on from several weeks to several years. If men leave, some come back and some don't.

I find it interesting that your sex life is still incredible, when there is obviously another woman in the picture. Usually and 'Affaire de Coeur' can cause resentment, which is definitely not an aphrodisiac!

You also say you don't ask questions, as you do not want to know what is going on.

Chances are that this 'hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil' approach will no do much to create a long-term, rewarding marriage, even if you and your husband do not split up.

In general, neither men nor women like a 'doormat' for a spouse.

I suggest you get some counselling to try to work out your real feelings about this situation, and to deal with your fear of being on your own.

Comments for
He says he loves his high school sweetheart. Is going to leave me?

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Oct 01, 2012
 Don't bet on it
by: Annie

My husband became involved in an emotion affair with his high school sweetheart four years ago. We went to therapy and he promised it was over between them..long story short, two weeks after our 34th wedding anniversary this year, he served me with divorce papers out-of-the-blue and moved out that very night. The following day he started openly dating his high school sweetheart and has told me that throughout the four years, he has been in steady contact with her and finally decided that he NEEDS to be with her. He only dated her for three months in high school, so it is very confusing to me how he could be "so in love" with someone he dated for three months compared to his wife (we have been together 37 years) and his children and grandchildre. He has walked away from all of us, just to be with her. So, if he is telling you he is love with his high school sweetheart, he is making plans to go, I am sure of it. My husband was also told he was going through a mid life crisis, but refused to believe it or do anything about it. So he has left behind a shattered family and I am left to pick up the pieces and figure out how to heal my family. My father-in-law passed away during all of this and husband has shown no remorse or concern for his children as they try to deal with this grief. Men, during this stage, become very selfish and can only think of one thing and that is the HSS and being with them, at any cost. My advice is to start preparing yourself!!

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