He's changed a lot. Could this be a Midlife crisis

by Sharon
(UK)

Hi

Having been married neally 21 years,these past two years have been rough,communication has broken down,he only talks about things when it suits him.The love making has been gone for 2 years.He took my daughter out last year for her birthday but this year he didnt bother,he worked on all our birthdays including the boys and he didnt buy me a card or present this year.Last year he did.
This year is worse,he was having anger issues/rages but since I have been on anti depressents he seems to of calmed down.He is neally 42 and Im 53.He keeps saying hes leaving and he's on waiting lists for housing,yet I know hes not on two of the lists as I checked and they told me he wasnt on them. He's hardly ever home,as either at the gym or working.What bothers me is that he seems to be going to the gym more often than ever before,buys new clothes,lost weight,and going out to watch live bands more often.Opened a seperate bank account and not wearing his wedding ring as I told him if thats how he feels he shouldnt be wearing it. He says hurtful things sometimes and has a tendancy to make a scene in front of my friend.I did send him a text saying that how much I was in love with him and would like to show him if he would let me.The other text I sent him said: I wish you would sit down and talk to me and tell me whats bothering you. I do believe this marriage can be saved,does it need work YES and it can be done.
I look forward to our future together as husband and wife and the past is behind us.
He previously said to me (before I started on tabs from doctors) that he didnt see us growing old together and that there was no turning back.I dissagreed with him. He doesnt even watch our son play rugby much these days. Sad.
Could be be going thru midlife crisis?????

Noel's response

It certainly has all the earmarks of a midlife transition. If you have read many of the other submissions on this blog, you will know you are not alone, and that my advice is to figure out where your boundaries (are what you will and will not put up with), and what you want in your life, as you probably can't change him a lot at the moment.

If you invite him to look at this website, he might see himself here, which may be helpful.
Good luck.

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