How can I help him?


(New Jersey )

The Question


Hi, I’m 24 and I recently broke up with my boyfriend who is 36. Apparently he is too confused about his emotions and doesn't want to hurt me. lately he’s become confused about everything - his job, his money and everything in-between.

Sometimes I feel like I act more mature than him in spite of our age difference. This all was triggered by the death of his father 2 years ago. I feel like I love him and don’t want to break up, I’m really trying to be understanding, and giving him more space to figure things out. But I know he’s hurting, he’s even started using drugs again.

All this disruptive behavior is taking a toll on me personally too because I really don’t know how to help him.

Noel's response

Chances are the best way to help him is to continue to give him the space he is asking for, and let him know you are moving on with your own life. When he gets through this transition, and if he wants to get back together with you, you can decide whether you want him back.

Comments for How can I help him?

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May 24, 2010
thanks
by: Anonymous

Hi guys thanks so much for the advice, things are still a little strange between us, I feel like we are playing a game of cat and mouse right now.

He did move out with his cousin to live the bachelors dream. But he still helps me out with the bills; he calls me every other day and he even gets upset if I don?t pick up.

He sends a lot of mixed signals, and I?m stuck playing all his games because I still love him. Its like we broke up but we are still together.

May 23, 2010
give him space
by: Bella

hi there,
I'm in the same boat as you right now. The whole thing is been about month or so already and I'm still in pain.

Do you guys live together or separate? If you live together, he may move out and find his own way of life and ignore you totally. It doesn't mean he won't miss you, he'll come around whenever he needs comforting. It's tough, but hang in there, if you love him enough.

Try to ignore and avoid any conflict with him because he'll be agitated or emotional. That's what I've learned.

If he doesn't have another girl friend yet, lucky you!!! Suggest him to take a vacation, some new place that you both never been there before to distract his mind and let him get to know you all over again. Do not argue with him because no matter what, he still think you don't know what he's talking about.

Last but not least, take VERY good care of yourself !!!!!!

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