How Come The Men Get Off So Easy?

by csp
(texas)

The Question


I've read through some of your scenarios here - I don't see any happy endings in terms of the "previous" life?

I wonder about the selfishness that is occurring during this time in a man's life? I wonder why you don't tell them to man up and quit hiding?

My husband left after 29 years of marriage - I believe he is in a full blown midlife crisis - and while he is off "finding himself", he has left all the responsibility to finish raising children, cooking cleaning and car pooling to me, and working a full time job to pay bills he has abandoned.

He is tired, void of emotion, given up all responsibility, financially strapped, depressed and basically spinning in circles and getting nowhere - all classic mid-life conditions.

But how come it's okay for HIM to just throw everything out and it's okay for me to be left with all the devastation? I wish I had seen this coming - I would have left first and left him with all the responsibility while "I found myself"...now my life is put on hold and he's FREE.

My question may not help a man through this phase - but instead of leaving why not tell them that "this too shall pass" don't give up on those around you that want to help but don't understand?

Noel's response

You sound angry, and I don't blame you.

However, you describe your husband as "financially strapped, depressed and basically spinning in circles and getting nowhere", and then suggest he is 'FREE'. Chances are he doesn't feel free. A depressed person can barely function. Yes, he is not taking responsibility for his family, but perhaps he simply cannot.

The reason I don't berate the men in the responses I give here, is that the questions are virtually all from women. As far as I know, their men are not visiting this website, or reading my answers.

You are right... this too shall pass, for you as well as him.

If you can convince him to see his doctor for a complete medical and/or a therapist to deal with his depression, maybe it will pass sooner rather than later.

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