How did your wife deal with your MLC

The Question

How did your wife deal with your midlife crisis? How long did it last for you?

My husband is starting in on his fourth year!! Very irritable, self centered, no compassion, no affection and very stand offish. Keeps saying his life is half over and is drinking, etc.

It is as if I do not even exist. Very frustrating and hurtful to me. Says very hurtful nasty things about everyone. How in the world do you cope with a man in midlife crisis?

There have been times when I just want to throw in the towel, but keep praying and hoping God will work a miracle. Oh that is another thing, he is blaming God and does not really believe in him? Is this normal behaviour? Please any advice would be appreciated.

Noel's response

My midlife transition lasted about five years. Elizabeth was going through a similar transition at the time, and we both had 'up days' and 'down days', but not usually at the same time.

The gift that Elizabeth and I have in our marriage is that we have both been through much personal growth over the years, and along with loving each other, like and respect each other as well. When one was having a down day, the other was able provide encouragement and solace.

We have learned not to blame others for how we feel, and were careful not to be verbally abusive, as we have both had that kind of spouse in the past, and it is very painful.

My only advice is that you use a little 'tough love', and let your husband know that you will not accept verbal abuse from him. It is not ok, and you do not deserve it. This brings with it the proviso that you be willing to take necessary action (cessation of your physical relationship, separation, or whatever) if he does not choose to become more considerate.