How do you change so fast and lose all feelings?

by Tammy
(Florida)

Hi,

I've been married 26 years my husband and I are both 46, he's a firefighter/Paramedic and has a business on the side. I quit a job from the state to work with him on his business and to be with the kids. We have four, who are now adults.

Our Marriage has been a great one, we have done many things together cruise's, vacation in the Keys many years some with just us and then with the kids. He has always been hot headed with no patience and I have plenty which worked out great.

In 06 I broke my ankle and have had many surgeries on it, in Nov of 09 I had it fused. He had changed his job from fire to EMS which was hard but he loved. It had many changes some good and some bad, he was always tired and I did my best to make sure when he got home house was clean, and dinner was ready with a cooler of beer. We had two children living at home then - one in High School and the other having problems adjusting to life after 3 years in the army. He wasn't happy about the older one living there and we all knew it.

At the end of Sept 09 he's EMS job was dissolved and he went back to fire and was very unhappy he didn't get placed back at his station. We went on a cruise with his F/F friends and the second night he told me he didn't love me, he wanted to move out that he has been unhappy for two years. I had no clue, I knew the kids and work was taking a toll on him I didn't know it was me.

He wanted to try in March, we went out to dinner and he told me then he didn't know if he ever loved me that it was cause of the kids he was with me. Wow! We went to his place had sex and I went home. The next day he told me he felt really bad about that night and he didn't have any energy in him to try.

It's been 11 months since he moved out and we are working on the papers for the divorce. He says there is no one else.

I don't understand what I have done? Why he's so mad at me? But yet it looks as if he still loves me? How do you wake up one day and lose it all? Why don't they care? I am moving on, not happy about it but I have no other choice. Do they ever wake up and want to come home?

Noel's reponse

You didn't do anything wrong. He is mad because he is going through a transition. It can come on suddenly, and seem as though it has been there all along.

Some men leave, and later come back. Some don't. You are doing the right thing by moving on. It is always possible for you and him to get back together down the road if ou BOTH still feel like it. (It is possible you won't, even if he does.)

Comments for
How do you change so fast and lose all feelings?

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Sep 16, 2011
BE PATIENT
by: Anonymous

Hi, I just want to tell you that you are not alone. I have gone through exactly the same thing. If you want to hold on to your marriage you just have to not listen to all the cruel things he is telling you. Ignore them, know who you are, trust your own feelings, read as much as you can about midlife crisis and try to bring some joy into your day to day life with little things. Be very patient, it's hard, I know, but you just have to wait and see.

Sep 09, 2011
Husband emotionally withdraws from family after 25 years of marriage and 5 children
by: Anonymous

My children had a 25th anniversary party for my husband and i. We are both 52 years old he was the best father and husband in the world. On the day of our 25th anniversary party he told me he loved me but was not in love with me.

He moved out of the bedroom and has been staying in our addition now for 5 months, does not talk to me nor the children and tells me he as emotionally withdrawn from everyone but yet stays up all night talking to girls on the internet when i looked in the window and say the girls up on the computer screen he sent me an email at work telling me that i invaded his privacy and married or not he should be able to talk to who he wants when he wants. he puts me down all the time and thinks he's doing me a favor when he sits with me I asked him the other day for a separation. as of right now he is moving out on October 1st.

He has been going to a counselor now for about 5 weeks and i still do not see any changes in him. He turned into a cruel heartless person and has no interest in the children at all. I am moving on with my life i do not see us ever getting back together.

Apr 04, 2011
How do you change so fast and lose all feelings?
by: Tammy

Hi, I'm just giving a update. We are now divorce December 2, 10, my ex had a girlfriend that is 16 years younger (only 4 years older than his daughter) Pretty messed up!

I'm still moving on tho it's hard, my kids have been a great help in this. I didn't realize how hard it was for them ages 20 to 26. I am being as friendly as I can for myself and for the kids.

I'm thinking it's too late for him to want to come home, even tho I love him he has crossed many lines. I'm thinking about going to school and making a new life for me. Tammy

Jan 30, 2011
No feelings
by: Anonymous

Personally, I don't think that can turn feelings off so suddenly. I think something or someone has to trigger it off. Unfortunately you will never get an answer, so what does one do, sit home waiting that everything will hopefully go back to the way it was or does one move on???

Jan 23, 2011
No feelings
by: Anonymous

Hi, unfortunately I don't have any advice to help you but I am in the same boat. My husband and I were married for 25 years and one day out of the blue tells me he has no affection for me anymore. I have teenage children who are devastated that their father has just walked out.

I to cannot understand why someone you have shared 25 years with good times and bad times can just forget all that and move on. I just wish he would tell me the truth so I could move on. It is very hard to move on when you don't know what you have done and why this has happened.

Jan 18, 2011
no feelings
by: Anonymous

I have found that hard to accept that one day my husband was affectionate and normal the next he says he doesn't love me and hasn't for a long time- how can someone just turn their feelings off so dramatically!!!

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