How long will this crisis last?

by Kate
(Illinois)

Question


I'm a wife whose husband, I believe is in the mist of a Mid-Life crisis. We have been married for 26 years, soon to be 27 and together for 28. Thinking back I now have decided that he has been going thru this for the past year.

Recently, he moved out of our home and is living in a camper. He still comes and goes here at the house. Comes in every morning to shower and get coffee. Stops by almost every night to visit, sometimes to eat supper with me (that is if I cook).

He either calls or texts several times during the day and always at night before going to bed.
At first he took clothes with him, but over time most have ended up back here.

From time to time, he will want to be sexual with me and of course I give in to those feeling.
He has now been gone from our home for a month and half.

After reading your web page, I have decided to give him five more months to get it together. I believe that our relationship is meant to be and love is there on both sides. We need to hang on to that.

He says that he still needs to stay out where he is, which for the most part, it's just sleeping there. He says he needs the time alone.

My question is this, is there any kind of time-line for this crisis? When will he come out of this? I'm trying very hard to be strong, but the pain of it all is sometimes more than I can take.

Any information will be helpful

Noel's Answer

It does sound like a midlife transition. Chances are his whole view on life is changing (things that used to be of great importance no longer matter, he may be feeling more emotional, etc. as described on my home page) and he is not sure what is going on.

In some societies it is normal for men and women at this age to take time by themselves.

I do not know of a timeline for this, but I do know couples who have separated for anywhere from six months to two years during this transition, and then later got back together. Usually their marriage is also transformed, in a good way.

As your husband is simply living in the trailer and you have a lot of contact with him,I suggest you let the process take its course. This too shall pass. Giving him a five-month deadline may do lasting and unnecessary damage to your relationship.

Noel

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