How to handle husband suffering from MLC?
by Anita Singh
(New Delhi, India)
My husband is 51 years old. He is good looking, and a successful man. He has been the best husband, father, son, friend and a relative to people associated with him. He has been a very good human being.
Of late he has been acting strangely. He has also had a girlfriend for the past two years with whom he shares all of his thoughts. This woman is taking advantage of the situation, and trying to drive him out of our family.
Earlier I pleaded with him, then I tried to fight him out of this relationship, but now I am trying to ignore his relationship, as I have realized he is going through a midlife crisis.
I do get very hurt with this secret alliance, as he is constantly in touch with her. He has started telling lies because of her. He makes nasty remarks to hurt me all the time. Recently I have noticed that he is jealous if I am complimented and reacts negatively. But when I am not around he is proud of me and says good things about me to his friends.
He is also heartless to the kids, at times indifferent and at times nasty.
What I need to know is whether there is a way to help him out of his crises. Is there a way to get him out of his relationship with this woman?
How long do I have to suffer his negative attitude to me, is there any way to assess whether he will ever get back to being himself again?Noel's response
It sounds as though you have put up with a lot. To answer your question briefly, you do not have to suffer his negative attitude any longer than you decide to. You have every right to tell him you are not going to put up with that kind of negativity, nor will you put up with his girl friend. If he insists on keeping her, he will have to say goodbye to you.
A caveat: I notice you are from India, and as I am not familiar with the marriage customs in your culture, this suggestion may not be one you could act on.
He will get through this midlife transition, although it is impossible to say how long it will take, as it can be anywhere from a few months to several years.
You cannot change him, but you can take action on your own behalf, and that may make him re-think his own decisions.