How to stop myself from big mistake
I have come to realize I am in love with another woman, who feels as I do. I have not had a physical affair and know it is wrong. I am in my late 40s and clearly going through MLC. I have a wife of 20+ years and two kids in elementary school. I know it would be terribly hurtful to leave and my head knows staying and getting counseling is the right way to go, but my feelings are out of control. I have never had trouble controlling myself and feelings in the past, but this has hit me like nothing before. How do I get through this?
Awareness is the first tool, and you have that. It is also critical that you realize that the strong feelings you have for this woman are a projection, and that if you did have an affair, and/or leave your wife and family, your relationship with the new woman would go through all the stages any relationship does once the 'honeymoon period' is over. That is to say the 'scales would fall from your eyes' and she would lose her 'magical' appeal she has now, and the relationship would have all the struggles and ups and downs any relationship has.
You are aware that you are in a midlife transition, and one of the tasks is to integrate your own internal feminine, rather than projecting it onto another woman.
So hang in there, and know that this too shall pass.