How would I know if he is telling the truth?
My husband of 27 years is in full blown mlc. everything started when he found an opportunity to reconnect with his past girlfriend. to make a long story short, they rekindled their old relationship and started an affair. he did not come home to us for three months and never answered our calls. My children aged 26, 23,18 and 16 were as devastated as I was for we did not know what was going on then. He worked far from home and comes only during week-ends but during those months he did not, but he continued to send his financial support.
When he finally came home, he confessed about the other woman but said their relationship has already ended. He begged for forgiveness and understanding. he said he wanted us to live our normal lives just like before. But i have noticed that he still acts suspiciously, going to the bathroom for long periods with his cell phone in hand. I know he has not ended yet his relationship with the other woman because even at the middle of the night, he receives text messages.
One time when i confronted him, he never said a word. I told him, he can already do whatever he wants to do with his life. If he wants to go and live with his woman...then go. i don't want us to lose our my self respect and dignity or be a part of the mess he got himself into. When he left for work the following day, he said he was sorry and said that i should not worry. i don't know what he means. when would i know when he would really mean what he says?
My children are not happy with what is happening in our family. They treat him coldly when he is around. but he seems not to mind nor try to understand what we want. We have started to have a life of our own but we can not stop him from coming, which will pull us back again.
I have read somewhere that mid lifers should be left alone to sort themselves. How can this be done if he is the one who wants to savor life in two different world?
moving on.Noel's response
Moving on seems like the right thing to do. Let him know that if he wants to move on with you, he will have to change his suspicious behaviour, and the two of you will have to go to marriage counselling for a while to deal with the effect his affair has had on your feelings about him. If you do not want him to move on with you, let him know and move on by yourself.