husband confused about his feelings

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have 3 young kids (including a baby). We never had any major fights and seemed to be happy together, including an active sex life. He has just told me that he is not sure if he loves me anymore and he cares about a younger woman. He is 37 and I am 32. If it wasn't for the kids, he said he would leave me for her. He also says he wants things to work out for us, but is scared of a "missed opportunity" with her. He says that for awhile he has been unhappy about us, but he never showed it.


He says that she approached him and he initially rejected her, but she tried again and now they have met for coffee and gone for walks, but nothing more. His guilt drove him to tell me all of this. He says that he can't see anything wrong with our marriage or me and that I am wonderful, but the fact that he feels this way about someone else must mean that there is something wrong with us. He also says he feels empty inside and does not like who he is and needs to find himself.

Is this a midlife crisis? Does our marriage have a chance? After he told me everything we made love (because he was drunk he says), and then he cried because he said he shouldn't have done that. I am so hurt and do not know what to do. I really want to save our marriage and cannot imagine life without him.

Noel's response

He sounds as though he is in a midlife crisis. He might benefit from reading "The Seasons of a Man's Life" by Daniel Levinson. Also "Male Menopause" by Jed Diamond.

I suspect he would also benefit from seeing a counselor to help him work through his feelings.

You might also benefit from some counseling to help you figure out how to manage this situation.

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