Husband had affair, I asked him to leave
My husband was having an affair and wouldn't stop so I asked him to leave. He insisted he wanted a divorce but refused to sign divorce papers when I gave them to him. He started saying that he needed time to think...but was still having the affair with a 26 year old colleague (he's 43).
We went to counseling and he insisted he didn't see us as a couple anymore so I went to see a lawyer and told him that's it. Our kids are devastated, naturally (11 and 14).
He still wouldn't sign the papers so I went away for two weeks and told him when I got back I was filing with or without him. He turned around and bought a small flat.
Still won't sign divorce papers and is still seeing the girl, although not as much. Now he's talking about taking a job overseas and wants us all to come (not the affair girl, though) but live in separate houses.
What is going on with him? He is angry at me all the time. If I smile it's the wrong kind of smile, if I don't talk to him he is angry, if I do talk to him he is angry. He wanted to stop therapy, three days later he wanted to start it again.
He had the kids the other night and all he talked about was 'the old days' and about moving.
To say I'm confused is an understatement. I love him but am not willing to deal with an affair, something I've made clear from the start.
I know it is confusing, but I think you are doing the right things:
- not putting up with the affair
- filing for divorce
It seems to be depressingly common for men to become angry and irritable during midlife transitions. Jed Diamond in his book The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression
can give you a much deeper understanding of this, and what you can do when faced with it.
Moving overseas would be a very risky proposition for you, and I would not recommend it.