husband has returned

Well my husband has returned home still has his flat but never stays there over night. He says its a bolt hold just in case things don't work out for us.


As yet our sex life has been none existent, I think that it may be to soon yet. He seems quite secretive at times about his whereabouts and his spending lots on clothes again some of which I have not even seen just seen them on the bank statements. He does not talk much sleeps quite a lot when at home.

I don't want to put pressure on him to add to his crisis my question is how should husbands be when they have asked to return home and given up the other woman? After all I only want him to be happy and feel he has done the right thing for himself not anyone else.

I have told him if he is not happy to go to which he replied shouting and screaming are you throwing me out I replied calmly that no I was not but I was also not holding him as a prisoner and it was his choice if he wanted to stay or go.

I must add he did remain here and has done a few little jobs around the house and I am hopeful that we can get our marriage back on track once and for all. It just seems so hard when he wont open up and talk about things.

Maybe its me maybe I am not at the point of trusting him fully yet and need answers to help me move on from this nightmare that has lasted what seems like a life time, all the hurt and pain that was caused by all of this is hard to get over and I never want that again.

I would appreciate your honest and open opinions on my situation.

Noel's response

It is not surprising that you do not fully trust him yet. It takes a long time for trust to build again, and even if your partner clearly demonstrates that he is trustworthy. At the moment, as you say, he seems secretive, which does not help build trust.

I assume you have suggested marriage counselling? if he won't go, about the only thing I can recommend is that you bide your time and wait for things to get better, but do maintain some boundaries.

Comments for husband has returned

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 23, 2015
husband has returned.
by: Anonymous

Well He has given up his Flat now. He is still quite secretive, although we mostly go out together on week ends. The other woman has started to turn up on occasions, they don't talk to one another while i am there, I have seen a text message from her on his phone she was calling him Honey a lot and ended it with a kiss so it seems they are still on quite good terms with one and another. I just wish she would leave him alone so we can get our 30 year marriage back on track. Why would he come back home to live with his family if he still wants to be friends with her. I must add i did not see a reply from him to her but he may have sent one while he was at work. Thank you for the reply's to my earlier contribution much appreciated.

Mar 05, 2014
husband has returned home
by: NWF

Lee (from Liverpool,

I think you are doing very well with your H. I think you researched and understand what has been going on, at least you seem to. No pressure,no relationship talk, and no emotional stuff is the best way to handle his crisis. He has enough pressure within already, that is why he probably will not go to a counselor...yet.

You did not say how old you both are or how long he was gone for,how long you have been married.

I don't like the secretive mention though. There is only one reason to be secretive and that is...they know something that they are doing is wrong and they feel guilty. It may have to do with the flat he has left open for himself. Don't forget that sometimes they come home too early...and leave again (touch-n-goes). They are very confused right now and an emotional mess inside.

It is good that he has done some work at home on his own. He is trying. Maybe his crisis will be shorter than most. (My H, now exh, has been gone for 3.5 years and has a very very hard time talking me, which has only happened once recently when I was sick and I asked him for help with some groceries.) They are also very fearful and defensive about everything, that may be why he yelled at you when he thought you were telling him to leave. You handled that very well also...nice, calm response, not a reaction. If you want him to talk to you, give him a safe environment-> offer to get him his favorite drink when he comes home and then tell him you will be in other room if he needs you for anything. This will let him trust you and not feel any pressure at the same time. HUGS for you! NWF

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Noel.