Husband leaving with no real explanation

The Question

I have been married for 20 years. My husband just turned 41. One day he started drinking more and more and staying out all night with single 21-24 year olds. He doesn't answer his phone or reply to text messages from me or our children.

Lately he says he doesn't know where his 30s went and feels like a failure. Sometimes he blames me, sometimes he blames himself. Some days he says he loves me, and other days he just doesn't come home. He has been gone for two full days now and has not replied to my text message that merely said I miss you.

HELP! What should I do? Should the kids text him too?

Noel's response

It sounds as though your husband is having a midlife crisis. Pursuing him may make it worse. However he is not treating you with respect or kindness, and you do not need to put up with that.

You might text him and tell him that you are not available for that kind of disrespectfull treatment, and you will no longer put up with it. If he wants to stay away and refuse to respond to you, or tell you where he is, he is taking the chance that he will not have a home to come back to when he decides it's time.

I suggest marriage counselling if he is willing, and if not, come counselling for you to get help in figuring out where you want to go with your life, with or without him.